Fantasy Football Week 13: That’s So Cliché
By Jesse Carrajat
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The next time you are in a conversation and someone utters, “Well, you know what they say…,” take notice of the reciprocal effect.. All activity will cease, and all hands-on-deck within earshot of the brave soul who uttered it will silently brace themselves for two scenarios: 1. the pronouncement of a mind-blowing, earth shattering cliché, or 2. the regurgitation or annihilation of a corny, overused, or nonsensical saying. The fact of the matter is, when it comes to clichés, there are only two types of people: 1. those who shall deliver them, and 2. those who shall receive them.
I recently discovered, to my dismay, that I am a receiver. As it turns out, regardless of our individual aptitude for delivering them, one fact is certain: we all love clichés. And if there is one activity in life that fosters the creation and communication of clichés, its sports. In recognition of this innate love, WFANtasy will incorporate two of America’s most famous and beloved clichés in this week’s fantasy analysis.
Cliché #1–“Even a blind squirrel finds a nut every once in a while.”
Fantasy Interpretation: Sleepers
Mark Sanchez, QB, NYJ – If you have followed my column, you’re probably surprised that I give the “Sanchize” any credit at all, but after tossing multiple touchdowns in three of his last four games, he’s on a roll. Last time Sanchez faced the Patriots, he posted three touchdowns, and the Pats are prone to giving up fantasy points (FP) to QBs.
Sam Bradford, QB, STL – Bradford is coming off the best game of his young career, tossing 308 yards, 3 TDs, and 0 int., and will be facing a porous divisional defense, the Arizona Cardinals. The Cardinals are letting up an average of 18 FP per game to opposing QBs, and Bradford finally has a healthy arsenal of weapons at his disposal.
Felix Jones, RB, DAL – For the first time all season, Dallas will be without Marion the Barbarian at running back, which will open up red-zone touches for Jones against a Colts defense that surrenders nearly 18 FP per game to opposing running backs.
Anthony Dixon, RB, SF – With stud starter and former vice president Frank Gore on IR for the year, backups Brian Westbroken and Anthony Dixon will inherit his touches. Although the popular pickup this week was Westbroken, Dixon has been getting goal line touches all year, and coach Singletary has made it clear that both backs will be in the mix.
Ben Obomanu, WR, SEA – With starting receiver Mike Williams sidelined in week 12, President Obomanu racked up 5 catches for 159 yards and a score last week. If Williams can’t go in week 13, look for our commander-in-chief to repeat.
Danario Alexander, WR, STL – Alexander has been dealing with injuries all season, but when healthy, has proven to be rookie QB Sam Bradford’s most dymanic target. Both coach and QB rave about his size and speed, and this week against the Cards, look for a scenario in which a healthy Danario keeps it going for the playoff hungry Rams.
Kevin Boss, TE, NYG – The “Big Bossman” has stepped up huge in the absence of injured redzone beast, WR Hakeem Nicks, posting 40 FP over the last three weeks. Look for Kevin Springsteen to keep rolling against the culturally insensitively-named Washington Redskins.
Cliché #2– “He who fails to plan, plans to fail.”
Fantasy Interpretation: Plan on these guys failing in week 13 – Busts
Ben Roethlisberger, QB, PIT – After a disappointing fantasy performance against a mediocre Buffalo team, Roethlisberger hobbles into a fiery week 13 matchup against the daunted Baltimore Ravens with a broken bone in his foot…not a good recipe. Neither is underage drinking and bathroom stalls…You should avoid both.
Jon Kitna, QB, DAL – The Colts pass rush has been phenomenal against the likes of much better QBs with much more reliable offensive lines. Look for Dallas to bash RBs Felix Jones and Tashard Choice all day against a Colts run D that has proven to be vulnerable.
LeGarrett Blount, RB, TB – Blount will bring his ferocious running style and smoking device-like last name against a Falcons defense that is letting up only 52 yards per game to opposing backs. Last time out the gates, Blount was limited to just 4 FP. The Falcons pass D is questionable, and with Bucs QB Josh Freeman rolling, look for Tampa to smoke the Falcons through the air, but without Blount.
Ray Rice, RB, BAL – Rice will be facing the NFL’s number one defense against the rush, the Pittsburgh Steelers. Rice faced the Steelers in week four, coming out of the meeting with just 9 touches, four FP, and just 30 g of carbohydrates per serving. Factor in that Rice has only three TDs on the year, and the cost for grain commodities is on the rise, and all things point downward for Rice in week 13.
Deion Branch, WR, NE – Despite posting 24 and 26 FP in his first and most recent games with the Patriots, Branch is averaging just 13 FP per game since rejoining his former team, including a three game stretch in which he scored 7, 3, and 4 FP. In week 13, Branch will face All-Pro Jets cornerbacks Darrelle Revis and Antonio Cromartie, which will not bode well for the veteran receiver.
Calvin Johnson, WR, DET – Megatron has been soaring as of late, scoring 11 TDs in his last 11 games. However, in week 13, the Lions face the number one ranked fantasy defense in the Chicago Bears. The Bears shutdown the explosive Eagles last week, forcing QB Mike Vick to throw his first INT. The Lions start their third string QB in week 13, and you can expect the Bears to maul the Lions, Oh my!
Chris Cooley, TE, WAS – Cooley limps his seven-game scoreless streak into a week 13 matchup with a Giants defensive unit that is holding opposing TEs to around just six FP per game. Although Cooley-O has a good history against the G-Men, this will be his first go around with QB Donovan McNabb, and much like the entire season, you can expect lukewarm production, at best.
Funny Caption Only a Football Fan Would Get:
Breaking News: Swedish scientists have recently discovered a positive correlation between horrific hairstyles and douche-baggery.