A young professional’s take on the trials and tribulations of everyday life in New York City.
Somebody got $8,100 for an old chicken nugget that vaguely resembles George Washington if you picture George Washington’s face and then look at the chicken nugget while someone goes, “see, here are the eyes, here is the chin . . .”
Why didn’t I think of that?
Also, I feel someone should do a profile on the Mr. Moneypenny who shelled out the eight Gs. There is probably an eccentric billionaire behind this purchase, and I’m bored with the ones we already know.
I once had a frozen pizza which looked remarkably like Rasputin, possibly because it was expired by about a decade and had taken on a permanently-desiccated quality that remained undisturbed by any length of time spent in the microwave. Amazingly, I had to instruct Mr. Pajak not to eat it, and then had to physically snatch it out of his hands to prevent him from stubbornly and curiously doing so. Hey, he was 22 and I was very bad at keeping food in the house. At any rate, I wish I’d saved it because I’d love to rent a beach house for a while this summer. Though maybe food resembling dubious, smarmy Russian mystics doesn’t go for as much as food resembling American heroes.
In other food-related news, Oreos turned 100 this week! I think the Oreo was the gateway cookie for me developing an extremely off-putting habit of dismembering my desserts before I eat them. I physically can’t bring myself to eat an Oreo whole. It feels wrong. As a result, I spent my life unconsciously peeling the icing off of Hostess cupcakes in one piece, licking the frosting off of cupcakes and nibbling the crust around the fruit filling. It isn’t until some fellow party-goer gives me a funny look and asks me what I’m doing that I suddenly become self-conscious. Blame it on the oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-Oreos.
More: NYC’s 5 Best Cookies
Speaking of weird and being hungry, I recently heard from a friend of LA-based cupcake company Sprinkles’ new disgustingly brilliant innovation: the cupcake ATM. That’s right. Picture this. It’s 2 a.m.. You’re driving around, because that’s what people do in Los Angeles. Suddenly, you become overwhelmed with an insatiable hunger for baked goods. But where to go at this hour in a city that doesn’t have diners?
Why, how about a high-tech, outdoor ATM machine that spits out cupcakes instead of cash? Seriously. I’d go on to explain more, but that’s exactly what it is. There’s a demonstrative video here which you can see, but if you have ever been to an ATM machine you already get it. Except that it’s so smart, I circle back around to being unable to comprehend its simple genius. Imagine the possibilities for an idea like this! Then again, we’re looking at a new spike in pastry-related muggings. But no progress comes without its struggles. The future is upon us.
Okay really, I give up. I have to go eat a pie now.
Nina Pajak is a writer and publishing professional living with her husband on the Upper West Side.