A lighthearted look at news, events, culture and everyday life in New York.
By Nina Pajak
And stoners and pregnant women all over the land rejoiced!
Burger King, the fast food chain that brought you such hits as the “Triple Whopper” and the “Enormous Omelet Sandwich” is proud to introduce the “Bacon Ice Cream Sundae,” coming to a store near you. It contains 510 calories, 18 grams of fat, 61 grams of sugar, 1,000 milliliters of shame, and 500 grams of self-loathing. Needless to say, it sounds pretty tasty.
Way to put another nail into that proverbial XXL coffin, BK.
The sundae is composed of soft serve vanilla ice cream, caramel, fudge, bacon crumbles, and a strip of bacon, which has been scientifically proven to make everything taste better.
It debuted in Nashville, TN, because duh. I’ve been to Nashville, and I’m pretty sure they fortify their tap water with bacon. I think the streets are paved with bacon. Our hotel pillows were stuffed with bacon. You get it. And now, along with Burger King’s other new BBQ-themed menu items, it’s being introduced into the wider market. That’s a double entendre, right there.
According to an article on this site yesterday, Burger King has not been faring so well financially since being taken private by the private equity firm 3G Capital in late 2010. In an effort to revive the business before going public again at the end of this month, the fast food chain underwent a massive menu expansion to attract more moms, families, and generally health-conscious people who don’t eat in 4,000 calorie increments. To that end, new items include a variety of salads, smoothies, and snack wraps, and a new focus on the quality of taste and ingredients and frequency with which David Beckham visits their locations.
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Now, as the public offering looms, they’re greasing their proverbial wheels (pun intended) with a limited-time menu of summertime meals, like pulled pork sandwiches, sweet potato fries, lemonade, and of course, the now-infamous pork-infused ice cream sundae. Sure to make you forget you’re sitting at a plastic table in a Burger King instead of at some delightful outdoor barbecue. Not exactly geared for the new demo. That’s called hedging your bets, folks.
Frankly, if I’m going to walk into a Burger King, it’s not going to be to eat a salad. As much as I realize it’s grotesque, I can’t say I wouldn’t try this new caloric abomination. Bacon = good. Ice cream = good. Bacon + ice cream = good x 2. It’s basic math. You can’t argue with numbers.
Dear Readers: While I am rarely at a loss for words, I’m always grateful for column ideas. Please feel free to e-mail me your suggestions.
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