A lighthearted look at news, events, culture and everyday life in New York.
By Nina Pajak
Another day, another $2,000 menu item at a New York City restaurant.
Following the success of the most expensive burger and the most expensive hot dog, Bice restaurant in Midtown has decided to launch its own dish for the .001%. Presenting a pasta dish that damn well better be the most exceptional plate of sketties you’ve ever had in your life.
According to the New York Post, for only $2,013, hedonistic diners will feast on a pile of tagiolini fatta en casa (it sounds more expensive in Italian), mounded high with two pounds of fresh, wild caught lobster and giant blobs of sumptuous black truffle. It’s all served on a very limited-edition, Bice-exclusive, gold-leaf plate designed by the late Gianni Versace.
The plate is a keepsake, much like the commemorative, free-refills soda cup at The Rainforest Cafe. It is valued at $350, which actually makes the food itself rather reasonable if you ask no one. Jennifer Lopez brings it to your table personally, dressed in Versace’s famous, daringly low-cut green dress, and then she and Lawrence Taylor do a little pas de deux to Josh Groban singing a cappella as you and your loved ones indulge in a manner that would make Bacchus shudder.
I, myself, have not been lucky enough to sample the dish, because, well, get real. What kind of budget could you possibly think we’re working with here? But I have seen photos, and as far as I can tell, it appears to have the added benefit of having been pre-masticated for your convenience. For when one truly dines with no expense spared, one ought not be expected to do such mundane, plebeian tasks as chewing. What a bore, honestly.
I can’t help but feel like there may be something missing from this plate. You know, if you’re going to charge 2,000 clams, why not throw in some more bonuses? Like clams, for instance? The giant ones that live in the South Pacific and are extremely endangered, I mean. Or fresh manatee blubber! I bet that would be delicious chopped up into tomato sauce and covered in Parmesan cheese.
Five people have reported already purchased the meal, after they had all coincidentally sold all of their possessions and made a series of disturbing phone calls to loved ones, wishing them the best in life.