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Nina In New York: Did You Hear The One About The Gay Dog?

Elton The Gay Dog
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A lighthearted look at news, events, culture and everyday life in New York. The opinions expressed are solely those of the writer.
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By Nina Pajak

From Duchess Catherine’s perfect nose to an allegedly “gay” dog and cocaine diapers at JFK, there was some real news this week.

Or rather, silly real news.

Did you hear the one about the woman caught wearing a diaper filled with drugs at JFK airport? Apparently, she was pulled aside for further inspection after a drug-sniffing dog “alerted agents to something around [her] midsection.” Um, no. I’m sorry. But I have to assume this is an attempt at politeness on someone’s part. The woman was wearing granny panties filled with several kilos of cocaine, and you’re going to tell me this is the one time a dog didn’t stick his nose up someone’s butt? I refuse to believe it. This belongs in the Goosing Hall of Fame, if you ask me.

In other news, someone is selling this mini pig:

Pig Seeking Muslim Family

(Photo from Craigslist)

Meanwhile, restaurateurs city-wide are coming down on all sides of the issue of cell phone meal-photography.

More: Nina’s Jerks Of The Week

Many of them, including David Bouley of Bouley fame (duh), on the meanie side. They cite distraction as a primary reason for banning amateur food porn, and other lesser reasons like that most people make food look like crap when they take a picture with a crappy cell phone camera and then inevitably run it through a filter designed to make everything take on a “this phone has been sitting in an attic for thirty years” hue. To solve this problem, Bouley will begin to offer photos of dishes ordered (to be taken in the restaurant’s kitchen) with the receipt of the meal.

People taking photos of their food can be distracting, I suppose, mostly to a snap-happy customer’s dining partner who isn’t allowed to sneak a few french fries until her friend is done setting up the perfect shot like she’s an editor at Bon Appetit or something. But I have to admit, I once made a reservation at a restaurant because I was home drinking alone one night and Neil Patrick Harris kept tweeting out photos of his 14-course meal. I’m not proud. But it’s an argument in favor of the new world order.

Finally, across the pond, it seems British ladies all over the place are in a tizzy over Duchess Catherine‘s perfect nose. Plastic surgeons in the UK have reported that requests to mold shnozzes into the Duchess’s petite nez have tripled. Now, if only they would focus more on emulating her dental hygiene. Bazzing! British joke. Get it? Cause they all have really awful teeth?

And as an added bonus, here’s a feel-bad-then-feel-good story to end off the week:

Yesterday, Gawker wrote a story about some dumb [redacted] who abandoned his lovely dog because he thought he was “gay.” That’s right, he found his pup hunched over another male dog, and assumed his dog had homosexual proclivities. When in reality, he was just being a [redacted] DOG. So the dog was going to be euthanized, and the Gawker piece brought his plight to a wide range of people who are NOT [redacted] inbred morons and now Woofard Brimley (not his real name, but it should be) has been rescued into a loving home.

No word yet on what I hope will be the forthcoming castration of his former [redacted] owner.

The end.