NEW YORK (CBSNewYork) — Here, in order, are my favorite animals whom I would like to own as pets: dogs, goats, pigs. No. Pigs then goats. No. back the other way around. It’s complicated because I realize that were I to own a pet pig, I would need to stop eating bacon and that’s a difficult pill to swallow. But one day I’ll be ready to make the sacrifice. And when that day comes, I will be ready with an artillery of paraphernalia suited to a pet mini-pig: tiny galoshes, a crown of daisies, a teacup for scale pictures during early days, a nice fluffy bed, and a collar bearing the name “Tevya.” It’s funny because pigs are not kosher. Get it? It will be a glorious day.
But not if it’s illegal.
It’s a dark time in America when a citizen’s mini-pig ownership is called into question. And that is exactly what is happening to one Queens resident, whose pet therapy pig, Wilbur, has been the subject of harassing complaints. And another family has had their pet therapy pig removed from their home due to city health ordinances.
And yet, that stinky deli down the street from my apartment has an “A” grade. Go figure.
I’m not sure I can think of anything more capable of cheering a room full of children than a trained pig. So in support of State Senator Tony Avella’s appeal for a repeal on the pig thing, here are some fun facts about our porcine pals.
Pigs are very smart, up there with humans (I have my doubts), apes and dolphins. They often learn their names by 2-3 weeks of age. On the other hand, though I love him dearly, my dog, Gus, responds equally to commands directed at “bagel,” “stinkface,” and “monkey.”
Pigs are hypoallergenic
Pigs can’t get fleas
Pigs naturally choose to defecate far from where they eat and sleep, unlike several dogs and quite a few humans I have known.
Pigs bond with family members and other pets.
Imagine how many views you could get on your YouTube channel. SO MANY.
Pigs can talk to spiders, and tell them to please go away.
Pigs can herd sheep.
If you had a pet pig, you would have an excuse to sing like the mice from “Babe” all the time. All the time! It’s really fun, go ahead and try it out now.
Of course, it’s important to remember that little pigs don’t always stay so little. But then again, our dog doubled in size and weight when the shelter told us he was fully grown. And I hear much of the same as it pertains to human babies. And pigs will never slam a door in your face or tell you to stay out of their lives when all you ever did was love and feed and clothe them. Case closed.