A lighthearted look at news, events, culture and everyday life in New York. The opinions expressed are solely those of the writer.
By Nina Pajak
Hollywood awards season is over, and the drudgery of life begins anew. The dresses have been discussed, the winners have been lauded, the losers have been lamented. Everyone is into hating Anne Hathaway, which has become perhaps more annoying than she is herself.
In other news,some rich Australian dude has decided to re-launch the Titanic, because of course! What better use of one’s money than to recreate a spectacularly bloody failure? The new ship, dubbed the Titanic II, will be built in China (obviously renowned for its incredibly high safety regulations and oversight) and will attempt the original route from Southampton, England to NYC (because, you know, no boats have attempted or achieved that distance in the last century of technological advances).
While it will be fully outfitted with modern conveniences like air conditioning and enough life boats for rich and poor people, the Titanic II will also include lots of special touches reminiscent of the original ill-fated ship, like period costumes for guests, that famous grand staircase, and three classes of rooms, with absolutely no mingling permitted among them. In other words, the best and most charming aspects of the old and new worlds. No word yet on the Hindenburg II or New Chernobyl.
A very important poll was conducted and reported on Public Policy Polling regarding the eating habits of Democrats versus those of Republicans.
I’d expect many of these findings will become incredibly crucial to the future of public policy decisions and political strategy.
Among the highlights are these revelations:
- Democrats favor bagels and croissants, while Republicans like doughnuts (the ethnic and cultural implications here are almost insultingly obvious).
- Democrats like regular soda. Republicans like diet. I smell a Super Bowl ad.
- By a small margin, Republicans “believe that Olive Garden constitutes ‘a quality source of authentic ethnic food,’ and Democrats . . . well, don’t. Takeaway: OG’s campaign to associate themselves with authentic Italian grandmothers is devastatingly successful.
- In the spirit of reaching across the aisle, most Americans across the board like dinner best (they’re wrong, it’s totally all about breakfast). Also, we can all agree that Coke is better than Pepsi (because duh), and also better than beer (debatable).
- Unfortunately, it seems we will never come to terms on the age-old KFC v. Chick Fil A debate, with Democrats largely favoring the former and Republicans staunchly loyal to the latter.
And so the relentless wildfire of partisan politics in this country rages on.