Nina In New York: This Town Ain't Big Enough For The Two Of Us (That Means You, Measles)

A lighthearted look at news, events, culture and everyday life in New York. The opinions expressed are solely those of the writer.
______________

By Nina Pajak

Thank goodness for the anti-vaccination folks (anti-vaxxers, as they're known). Despite an avalanche of scientific data, respected medical opinions, and loads and loads of evidence to the contrary, they've stood their ground. They provide us a valuable lesson in perseverance and unwavering fanaticism in the face of absolutely zero support from the camps of reason and logic. And they succeeded! Their kids are probably not autistic and . . . drumroll . . . ba ba ba dum dum dum duuuum . . .

The measles are back! Yes! You thought they were all but eradicated. You thought they'd taken a hike for good. You thought they'd gotten that big, old hook from backstage in the variety show of virulent diseases in the developed world. But here they come tapdancing back out! The curtain call isn't over. Bravo! Brava! You've done it.

Mostly, the problem exists in certain predictable hotspots around the country, like the Bay Area in California, parts of Oregon, and other pockets of pseudo-science-based smugness. But no one is safe. I've got no idea how it works when a disease is un-eradicated, but I imagine the effect is similar to when a dead human is reanimated into a zombie or vampire: they become purely evil, they gain superhuman strength, and they become unstoppable in their quest to destroy the human race. Sounds about right. And the more people who jump off the vaccination wagon, the more herd immunity is undermined, and the more risk there is to people in a given area who cannot medically be vaccinated, like babies and kids who battled leukemia.

I'm not going to go into all the anti-anti-vaxxer arguments. They've been done to death. Those who get it get it, and those who don't want to get it aren't going to start because one more person repeated the same bullet points. But a friend recently gave me an idea: my family and I have begun the arduous and soul-sucking task of searching for a suburb in which to purchase our first home. And while I obsessively research the various SAT scores and college-readiness of potential school districts, perhaps I ought to start inquiring as to vaccination rates. Perhaps all of us who object to this movement ought to. Districts filled with unvaccinated kids will see home prices fall. Houses will sit on the market. The towns' economies will suffer, and then perhaps a local politician or two might start to sit up and take action. At best, legislation will begin to flow and schools will take a harder look at the "personal belief" exemptions they allow. At worst, people who don't vaccinate will wind up self-sequestering in their own communities. They could even rename stops along the commuter rail to "anti-vaccination station," because how can you not? Controversial though it may be, I think there's something to this. Realtors, take note.

(Also, if you've got something in a modest three bedroom within close commuting distance, holler.)

Nina Pajak is a writer living with her husband, daughter and dog in Queens. Connect with Nina on Twitter!