Nina In New York: Cheetahs Are The Best (People Are The Worst)

A lighthearted look at news, events, culture and everyday life in New York. The opinions expressed are solely those of the writer.
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By Nina Pajak

Parents do stupid things all the time, and I try not to judge (mostly). I've certainly done my fair share of silly stuff—I honestly think you'd be hard pressed to find a mom or dad who hasn't perpetrated a potentially life-threatening, horribly regrettable mistake on their offspring. It's not that we're careless or deliberately reckless, it's just that sometimes you don't know how dumb you're being until after you've had a near miss. Sometimes you don't realize your kid can't safely carry a pencil without stabbing themselves in the eye. Sometimes you think you can balance going down the stairs holding a toddler, three grocery bags and a pitcher of water. How could you possibly have known that your toothless baby could bite through a whole cucumber, or that your kid might grab your hot cup of coffee off the table even when you tell her NONONONONO? We're people, we're dumb, it happens. It doesn't mean we don't love our kids and do a (pretty) good (enough) job raising them.

But there's a pretty visible line between hapless dope and dangerous idiot, and a shocking number of people cross it. I'm not discussing those who willfully abuse their children, because those people are in a class all their own (and deserve to be burned alive, frankly). I'm talking about the parents who do things like, say, dangle their toddler over a cheetah exhibit at the zoo, hypothetically, like that couple in Cincinnati. Part of me feels a little sorry for them. Clearly, they love their child and didn't deliberately jeopardize his safety. They dove into the cheetah exhibit to rescue him, which tells me they'd risk their lives for his. Now the mother is being charged with a crime, she might lose her job as a childcare worker (oy, seriously?), and the whole country is giving them the collective stink eye. On top of it all, their little boy has a broken leg and could have died, and they have to live with that guilt. At least he's too young for form memories.

But, come on, you guys. Let's keep it together. The parent community can forgive a lot, as it isn't so hard to see someone else's error and put yourself in those unfortunate shoes. Of course, we breathe a sigh of relief when we think about the fact that we're not the ones who had that particular gap in judgement, but we empathize. The margin for error is wide. Unless you do something like leave your kid in a hot car or DROP HIM INTO A PIT FILLED WITH ENORMOUS, CARNIVOROUS JUNGLE CATS. You know this was bad, because even the cheetahs didn't touch him. The cheetahs were probably shaking their heads and going, "oh, for chrissake. Honey? Come take a look at this. Don't touch it, guys. The last thing we need is bad press. Besides, this kid has enough problems without our help."

So, does this mom deserve to be formally charged with endangerment? She isn't the first person to foolishly dangle her child over a zoo exhibit, and others who came before her haven't emerged so lucky. But they haven't necessarily been charged. In fact, in some cases, they sued the zoo. I'm trying hard to remember that I do pity this Cincinnati mom, but I can't help but feel like an example needs to be made. If common sense and printed signage aren't enough to remind people that they oughtn't hang their babies over barriers which have been put in place to protect them from wild animals, maybe a criminal precedent will do it. I mean, if parents can be charged for letting their kids walk home from the park, I certainly think this situation warrants at least the same scrutiny. It's troubling to think that we could have CPS on us every time we have a brain lapse, but I think this scenario falls pretty safely out of the "slippery slope" zone.

I hope those cheetahs got a really nice steak dinner to reward them for their heroic restraint and quick thinking in the face of human nature. It's a wonder they're the ones who are endangered, and not the other way around.

Nina Pajak is a writer living with her husband, daughter and dog in Queens. Connect with Nina on Twitter!