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Nina In New York: Love Is Love, And That Is That.

A lighthearted look at news, events, culture and everyday life in New York. The opinions expressed are solely those of the writer.
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By Nina Pajak

When the news came in over the radio (yes, I still listen to terrestrial pubic radio), I was in the car with a very grouchy two-year-old.

The Supreme Court has just ruled that same-sex marriage shall be legal in all 50 states. It's a constitutional right. It's done. The country is officially a better place. How often do we get to say that? If only Angie and Brad had actually held off on their wedding until this moment like they said they would, this thing could really be special.

I kid! I kid.

"Woohoo!" I started to yell when I heard. "This is an historic moment, kid!"

"Yeah!" my daughter offered back, eager to get in on my excitement while clearly having no idea what I was saying.

I found myself pressing on, determined to explain to her why we were in the midst of an important event. Love is love! Tolerance wins out! We're witnessing real progress! It all fell on inattentive ears, of course, and she soon changed the subject to a "really, really cute" pigeon she saw out the window. Talk about an equal rights advocate.

I know it's futile to try to explain civil rights to a toddler. And one day, she'll learn in school about the fight that allowed her to grow up with an unquestioning right to marry whomever she choses. One day, she and I will tell her kids that it wasn't always like this, crazy though that may seem to them.

So it was with this happy feeling that I coasted into an evening out with a girlfriend later that night. We were chatting over wine at a bar after dinner when a well-dressed but disheveled middle-aged man poured himself into the seat next to mine. Though my back was to him and I was clearly engaged with a friend, he felt entitled to tap me on the shoulder and interrupt me in order to introduce himself. As I am a generally polite, even friendly person, I indulged. He continued to insert himself into our conversation, and we allowed it. He seemed harmless, if a little over-served.

After observing that my friend and I were both married and learning that we each had young children, he launched into a sloshy speech about how he has a beautiful ex-wife and daughter, and how much he loves them and everyone else for that matter. And that the crucial element to his happiness is how he is no longer married. He and his ex get along far better apart than together. Marriage doesn't work, monogamy isn't the way we're meant to live. Bully for him, I said. I'd be sure to inform my divorced parents who no longer speak that their relationship is the best it ever was. But sure, whatever man. Monogamy is for the birds. Marriage is for chumps. I'm so glad you're happy and evolved.

He continued on this topic for a while, and then paused a beat. "And did you see what the Supreme Court did today?" he asked.

I told him I did! It's exciti--

"They went and undermined the whole definition of marriage."

Oh. Uh, wait. What? I resisted a conflicting urge to laugh or spit in his face. Which marriage? The marriage he just spent the last ten minutes shredding into cole slaw? I'm . . . sorry for your loss? What the crap do you care, dude?

"I don't think that's the case," I said. "I think they expanded it."

He laughed in my face. "I'm a conservative man," he said, shaking his head.

"Okay, " I said. "So, we're not going to agree. Maybe we shouldn't talk about this."

If I'd been talking to someone I planned ever to see again, perhaps I'd have pushed back more. But an old drunk at a friend's neighborhood bar? Life. Is. Too. Short.

I moved slightly back to my friend, thinking we were done.

"I'm gonna marry my cat tomorrow," he deadpanned.

My hand involuntarily went to my forehead. "Okay. Bye," I said, and turned around for good.

If it hadn't been such an absurd exchange, it might have depressed me. It's not like I don't know there is still plenty of opposition out there, but I didn't really expect to run into it so immediately, and in Manhattan of all places. There's still such a long way to go to true equality in this country—sexual, gender, racial—we're hardly there. But it felt good to know how irrelevant this man's viewpoint is on this topic. We won, and I don't need to waste a moment arguing. He can fart into the breeze all he likes. As long as I'm standing upwind.

Nina Pajak is a writer living with her husband, daughter and dog in Queens. Connect with Nina on Twitter!

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