Radio Free Montone: No Wonder I Can't Lose Weight
By John Montone, 1010 WINS
No wonder I can't lose any weight, I just wolfed down a cheeseburger and a milkshake for breakfast.
I did no such thing, but a reporter on a national morning TV show said I might as well have. This reporter put the calorie, carb and sugar contents of the grains I eat which contain ingredients I had never before heard of but which sounded like they would be quite good for me to ingest, up on the screen and then used an "equal sign" to indicate that they were the same as those found in a cheeseburger and shake.
The grains which I pour into a bowl covered with blueberries, strawberries and almond milk contain organic quinoa, amaranth and chia all of which I may be mispronouncing. I could Google them, but I am too weary. I have been beaten down in my effort to remain fit. The "superfood seeds" that also populate my bag of grains have not helped. Nor has the organic raw virgin coconut oil. Now that's the trifecta. Organic. Raw. And Virgin. Do my digestive juices sense this oil approaching and say? "WOW!"
I was munching on almonds for a time but later learned that they contain more calories than an ice cream sundae. Bread is a forbidden fruit and most fruit is loaded with sugar. Many years ago I stopped eating red meat for a while. Juicy steaks along with eggs and butter were sure to clog my arteries. Now all three are considered great sources of protein. Except that if I start eating them more frequently some shapely young woman on my TV will tell me I'm doomed.
I am doomed and I know it. I even sort of accept the inevitability of my demise. I just don't want to be reminded of it every five minutes.
Radio Free Montone: No Wonder Why I Can't Lose Weight
The people in some remote Russian village who consume vast amounts of yogurt live average live spans of 100 years and remain frisky into their 90s. The yogurt I was consuming had fruit on the bottom which was laden with fructose. "More fattening that a Twinkie!" screamed one study. Tuna fish is good except for the mercury. And poultry is the perfect food except when it is shot full of antibiotics. And free-range chicken costs more than caviar.
Following the "healthy grains (ha-ha) equals a cheeseburger plus milkshake," segment the shapely young reporter smiled and promoted her next report in which she promised she would tell the audience how many of us go to sleep at night and never wake up.
Make mine a double cheeseburger and super-size that milk shake.
