Nina In New York: The Future Is Now, Or Really Pretty Soon

A lighthearted look at news, events, culture and everyday life in New York. The opinions expressed are solely those of the writer.
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By Nina Pajak

The present may feel bleak, what with all the war and terrorism and disease and domestic violence and corporate malfeasance and political jibber jabber and obesity rates and identity theft and selfie-related deaths, but sometimes . . . uh. But then again . . . wait, hang on. I lost my train of thought. The present sure is horrifically bleak, isn't it? What are we doing here, guys? God, I'm so depressed. I just. I dunno. I need to take a nap.

Oh but wait! What is this light I see in the distance? Am I dying? Is it a Super Triple Harvest Special Tiger Blood Moon? No! It's the future. And it is bright.

Last week, American scientists made a breakthrough in their quest to create a real life invisibility cloak, such as the one belonging to everyone's favorite fictional wizard, Harry Potter. Up until this point, they've been able to cover very small things. But now, they've woven some sort of magical, light-refracting blanket using gold square thingamabobbies which fool an onlooker into thinking they're seeing a flat surface, and not your stealthily-moving body as it sneaks into Professor Snape's laboratory. The possibilities here are obviously bounteous, ranging from the wonderful (you can't arrest a candy thief if you can't see a candy thief!) to the terrifying (airport security nightmare, anyone?). I'd imagine that once the cloak is actually perfected, it will remain the property of certain government officials and the military. Yeah. That sounds much safer. Perhaps we should keep this one under wraps. Ha! Get it? Because it's a cloak, and it's like a . . . ah, forget it.

Not to be outdone by some freaking wizards, the muggles over at the University of Washington have actually achieved real brain to brain communication. That is, two people communicating without words, and without even being in the same room. For now, the feat is done using helmets and the internet and eye movement or something wacky like that. Basically, if guy one looked at a certain light, it would send a flash of light to guy two in another room. That light flash signified an answer to a question guy two had been asked about what guy one was looking at, and boom! There you have it. Brain to brain communication. Again, endless opportunities will arise from a technological advance like this. One day, we could all have little implants behind our cortexes that will allow us to send signals to people without much more than the blink of an eye. Missing persons could get found. People who do dangerous, action-movie type jobs could sneak around without having to use confusing hand signals. We'll have to figure out a way to ensure that people can't "call" one another willy nilly, tuning into someone else's thoughts without permission, of course. Otherwise, you can see pretty clearly how this whole thing could become a big, fat mess. Privacy would be all but obliterated. We'd all be at the mercy of the creeps and the criminals. We'd reach a level of personal vulnerability that would likely drive many to the brink of insanity. But, you know, I'm sure that won't happen either.

See? The future is amazing! We're going to push past all of this terrible stuff and keep moving forward with technology until the world is a better place. Or a much, much more chaotic and frightening place. Either way we oughta have a lotta fun, huh?

Nina Pajak is a writer living with her husband, daughter and dog in Queens. Connect with Nina on Twitter!