Nina In New York: Normal Barbie Keeping It Realer Than Ever

A lighthearted look at news, events, culture and everyday life in New York. The opinions expressed are solely those of the writer.
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By Nina Pajak

Remember Lammily, the "normal" Barbie doll? You know, the one whose body is proportioned in such a way that, were she real, she could conceivably possess all necessary internal organs to sustain life? In case you were wondering, she's doing great. She's made it off of Kickstarter, has been branded as a world traveler, and she even has a companion "Photographer" doll forthcoming. The duo travel the world in a variety of international city-themed outfits, all of which are custom fit to their delightfully filled-out frame.

But that's not all. Lammily also has a "marks" accessory pack, a collection of stickers with which one might adorn her with all sorts of battle scars from the war that is life. Acne, stretch marks, cellulite, bandages in all sorts of colors and sizes, glasses, a cast, moles, stitches, and of course, actual scars. Like to roll around in the grass? Lammily can have green stains on her knees, too. Fall down a lot? Lammily has scrapes to match yours. Wake up with a monster zit on your cheek? OMG, Lammily totally knows how you feel.

But just in case you thought this doll had hit the absolute height of keeping it real, guess again. Because now, it turns out, she's got a uterus and that uterus has a lining which she sheds each month. That's right: like most real girls of a certain age, Lammily gets her period.

For $10, a Lammily owner may purchase the "Period Party" pack, which includes an informational brochure, little dolly panties, stickers representing sanitary pads, and a calendar with dots to help an owner track Lammily's period (and perhaps her own—girlfriends do tend to get on the same cycle after all). It's the fun new way to educate your daughter on the joys of menstruating, and it's especially welcome given the plummeting puberty age in this country. My introduction to the joys of womanhood came with a stilted, near-satirical video in sixth grade Health class, in which a girl with a heavy New York accent deadpans, "my sistuh cawlls it da curse." That stayed with me to this day, although I can't say it did much to help me feel comfortable when the big moment actually arrived. In fact, when it did happen, my initial thought was that I was dying. And the memory of that school film still makes me cringe. If only I'd had a Lammily doll to keep me company and inform me in a way that spoke to me and help me along the way, I'd have . . . I dunno. But it would have been worth a try, for sure. It certainly can't get any worse than the status quo when it comes to educating young girls about their changing bodies. Nickolay Lamm, creator of the Lammily brand, sees it thusly:

I've read horror stories of kids thinking that they were dying during their first period [Ed. note: Heyo!]. Parents are also wary of approaching this subject. So I feel Lammily's "Period Party" can introduce kids to menstruation in a very fun and disarming way, and give parents a very useful tool. What can be more disarming than a doll having menstruation?

What, indeed? Now, if only Lammily could come out with a male doll to help guide young boys through the exciting developments puberty brings. He could come with a little tube of deodorant, a tiny copy of a Victoria's Secret catalog he stole from his sister, and an appalling sense of humor. Lammibro, we need you.

Nina Pajak is a writer living with her husband, daughter and dog in Queens. Connect with Nina on Twitter!