Radio Free Montone: The Fixer
By John Montone, 1010 WINS News
There are plenty of things that need fixing and I'm the guy to fix them.
Some men see things as they are and say, who cares? I see things the way they ought to be and say, here's what we do.
Yesterday driving back north from LBI, my wife, the Ageless Beauty Mary Montone and I, both felt the need to empty our bladders as we approached the Cheesequake Rest Area on the Garden State Parkway. But because that rest area is usually crazy busy, we decided we could make it to the next stop about 20 minutes up the road in Union.
Well, we arrived at the Union rest area which to our bladders' discomfort was "Under Repair." Since the next stop in Bloomfield had its restrooms closed a few years ago, the nearest bathrooms on the GSP would be another 30 miles north. Our bladders would burst by then. And I'm sure we weren't the only people driving the parkway who had to go.
So, I ask, why didn't the folks at the New Jersey Turnpike Authority, which runs the parkway, post a message on one of its many electronic billboards letting people know they would have to drive another 50 miles before getting urinary relief if they chose to bypass Cheesequake? The Turnpike Authority is an autonomous governmental agency with a board of commissioners and accountants and lawyers and public affairs folks and web masters and engineers and snow plow guys and toll takers and yet not one of them said, "Maybe we ought to let people know that we've been shutting down bathrooms."
That message needs to go up -- yesterday.
After taking a detour to the turnpike and using the facilities at the Vince Lombardi Rest Stop, Mary and I went grocery shopping at an upscale supermarket packed with hungry Giants and Jets fans eager to get home for the 1 o'clock kick-offs and pig out. So what did the management of this pricey food store do? They left several registers, including the all-important express lane, closed. Much confusion ensued as shoppers with small orders -- you know a few heroes, frozen pizzas and chips -- pushed past the open registers and their long winding lines attempting to reach the express register only to find it dark. Oh did the cuss words fly.
Message from Johnny to the store manager: Always keep the express line open and put a few more cashiers on the clock during football season.
Finally we were out of the store racing home to watch the Giants with Francesca on the FAN keeping us company. As we listened, calls came in from disgruntled fans complaining about this replay or that replay. "Mikey, I think the ref was on the take."
Here's the problem. The NFL Instant Replay isn't instant. It's time-consuming and maddening. We view a play from six angles that shows the nose of the football scraping a micro-fiber of synthetic turf a millisecond before the receiver does or doesn't juggle the ball while he makes or doesn't make a football move.
Here's my fix. The replay may only be used to overturn egregiously bad calls. And I'd set the bar very high. As soon as the play occurs a dozen fans seated in the upper tier of the stadium who have each consumed at least a six pack of beer must immediately scream, "No! You blew it! You stink ref!"
No challenge flag. No slo-mo. No commercial break needed. The fans rule.
All fixed.
