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Nina In New York: Lying: A New Milestone To Which Your Toddler Should Aspire

A lighthearted look at news, events, culture and everyday life in New York. The opinions expressed are solely those of the writer.
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By Nina Pajak

According to research findings by a psychology professor at the University of Toronto, as reported in The Wall Street Journal, lying among preschoolers is a sign of developmental precociousness and future success.

While fibbing is nearly universal in children by the age of five, "'The 30% of the under-3s who can lie have higher executive function abilities," [Dr. Kang Lee, leader of the study] said, "specifically the ability to inhibit the urge to tell the truth and to switch to lying.'"

Well. My daughter is a gosh darned evil genius. She will look you dead in the eye and tell you she doesn't have a dirty diaper, even as you choke on the fumes. After receiving a report of a happy day from her (very trustworthy) teachers, she'll turn around and tell me she missed me all morning and did nothing but cry and gnaw on a bagel in the corner. She frequently tries to get inexperienced family members to allow her to do things she knows I won't allow. She makes up stories that I have always assumed contained a kernel of truth and spun out in her head, but perhaps I was just underestimating her profound "executive function abilities," as Lee puts it.

"'The first occasion of your child telling a lie is not an occasion to be alarmed but an occasion for celebration. It's a teachable moment,'" he says in the article. Well, then. Huzzah.

As eager as I am to collect empirical evidence of my child's brilliance, I'm going to have to admit some hesitation here. Logically, it follows: a child who can, to paraphrase Lee, know what another person knows or doesn't know, and who can also then willfully inhibit the truth and choose to lie instead, will certainly do well in life. All you have to do is watch a presidential debate or listen to a CEO at a shareholders meeting to understand that the art of the elegantly crafted, well-placed lie can get you far in life. Executive abilities, indeed. And I'm no purist: I do believe that there are many instances when the truth is not necessarily the best way to go. We all know this. Despite the old George Washington cherry tree adage we're raised to revere, I'm sure even old G Dubs told Martha she didn't look fat in that bonnet when she totally did.

On the other hand, are we really going to applaud our kids for learning so early how to deceive us, their guardians and protectors? And not even learning how to do it (because it's not like the under-3 set are necessarily doing it well), so much as developing the very instinct to lie to their parents. As much as I'd like to revel in my daughter's superior brain and a savory "teachable moment," I can mostly only think ahead to when she's 16 and has had over a dozen years of practice. It's difficult enough to explain to a toddler why it's important for mommy and daddy to know the truth about what happens when we're not around -- how in the world can anyone expect a teenager to grasp that concept?

No, sir. No thank you. I'll not be celebrating this particular milestone. Not even a little. Honest.

Nina Pajak is a writer living with her husband, daughter and dog in Queens. Connect with Nina on Twitter!

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