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Seen At 11: Getting What You Want Is All About How You Ask

NEW YORK (CBSNewYork) -- We all want things from other people, but the challenge is getting them to agree.

Now, science-backed techniques can help you develop the power of persuasion.

As CBS2's Dick Brennan explained, we all have our ways to get what we want. Some people use pressure, others make demands, and some just take no and move on, but psychologist Dr. Adam Galinsky said those techniques don't work. He said people do want to help, but how you ask is key.

"Often times the lighter the touch the better the results," he said.

Take the Post-It note study; researchers found that when someone made a hand written request using the person's name, and then signed it, they were 40 percent more likely to get positive results.

"People want to do things for other people they feel connected to, you're identifying the other person, you're giving them a name, you're saying I connect here, I know who you are," Galinsky said

Then there's the slammed door effect. If someone says 'no' once, don't be discouraged. Chances are they won't the second time.

"They may feel some slight pangs of guilt. They may feel some slight second guessing, and they may be more willing to consider your next request,"Dr. Jeptha Tausig Edwards said.

Just saying 'feel free to say no' when you ask for a favor, doubles the likelihood you'll get a green light.

"They're not feeling that it's a hard sell, they're not feeling that you're desperate, and they're not feeling that you're really, really, really, intent on having it be your way," Dr. Tausig Edwards said.

Then there's the handshake factor. A recent study found that shaking hands before a request makes someone 42 percent more likely to help you out.

"I think a good handshake, a crisp handshake says I respect you, I'm connecting with you," Galinsky said.

Experts said to make sure to take advantage of this time of year -- the holidays -- to help get what you want.

"We would all like to extend cheer and good wishes to our fellow human beings," Dr. Tausig Edwards said.

The biggest mistake you can make, according to researchers, is not to ask at all.

 

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