CBS2-Header-Logo WFAN 1010WINS WCBS tiny WLNYLogo

Tale of the tape

Andre Johnson Vs. Santa Claus – How Does He Match Up To St. Nick?

Fantasy wunderkind and all-around decent guy Andre Johnson just did something pretty nifty. He purchased over $17,000 worth of toys for children in Child Protective Services. It’s an awfully kind gesture, especially during the holiday season. But how does Johnson stack up against the ultimate gift giver, Santa Claus? Let’s go to the tape:

Houston Texans receiver Andre Johnson (credit: Scott Halleran/Getty Images) (credit: Kena Betancur/Getty Images)
Houston Texans receiver Andre Johnson (credit: Scott Halleran/Getty Images) (credit: Kena Betancur/Getty Images)

Andre Johnson

Santa Claus

4.41 Seconds 40 Time? I mean...one estimate has St. Nick traveling at roughly 5.6 million miles per hour (in order to deliver all those presents) so...whatever 40 yards of that is. A blink, essentially.
A svelte 227 pounds. Weight? Probably more than that.
5 this year (really? That feels low). 61 overall (that too). Receiving TDs this year? None?
$17,352 Estimated value of Presents Millions and millions
Yep! Is he real? Who’s asking? Where are your parents?
...I’M GONNA BE RICH! Reaction to seeing mommy kissing him? Set it to a song!
Stranger! I’m calling the police right now. Reaction when you hear him “Up on a rooftop, click-click-click”ing? Weeeeeeee! Presents!

The winner is

Houston Texans receiver Andre Johnson (credit: Scott Halleran/Getty Images)
Andre Johnson
4 out of 7

So there you have it. After a hard-fought battle of joyful giving, Andre Johnson takes the round 3-2! And rightly so. What a terrific fella.
-Brian Cullen, CBS Local Sports contributor

More Tales of the tape

  1. BASKET-GBR-USA-NBA-ATLANTA-BROOKLYN Golden State Warriors v Los Angeles Clippers - Game Seven
    Tale Of The Tape: Jason Kidd Trade Vs. Doc Rivers Trade

    Coaching trades are rarities in major sports but two have happened rather close to each other in the NBA. Jason Kidd was just traded to the Milwaukee Bucks and in 2013 Doc Rivers was shipped [...]

  2. (Photo by Jamie Squire/Getty Images) (Photo by Nathaniel S. Butler/NBAE via Getty Images)
    Tale Of The Tape: Jason Kidd, Nets Point Guard Vs. Jason Kidd, Nets Coach

    Jason Kidd isn’t making too many friends in Brooklyn these days, but he’s also hurting those from New Jersey who used to love him. He took his great legacy and strapped it to a rocket headed for the moon. Let’s take a closer look at the damage:

  3. (Photo by Victor Decolongon/Getty Images) (Photo by Jason O. Watson/Getty Images)
    Tale of the Tape: Who Pitched a Better No-Hitter? Kershaw vs. Lincecum

    Two fantastic no-hitters were recently recorded by the Dodgers’ Clayton Kershaw and the Giants’ Tim Lincecum.  While both were gems, which was truly the better pitched game? We looked at the facts along with some [...]

See all Tales of the Tape