TALE OF THE TAPE

Replacement Ref Vs. Mom’s New Boyfriend, Mark

Replacement Ref
Mom’s New Boyfriend
Salary
Winner Makes $8.40/hour.
Winner Makes $8.40/hour.
Financial Planning
Winner Desperately saving money for Christmas, knowing full well that this gig could end at any second.
Drank away all of this year's Christmas money already, keeps saying "Oh God, don't tell your mom, it'll be our little secret, OK? Don't tell your mother…Please?"
Image
Awfully patches a sport's soul.
Winner Sports an awful soul patch.
Goals
Tries to buy LeSean McCoy’s affection with pleas of Fantasy Football glory.
Winner Tries to buy your affection with poorly-thought out gifts.
Education
Winner Failed out of University of Phoenix.
Winner Failed out of University of Phoenix.
Means of Transportation
Winner Takes the bus, probably.
Drives a Kia.
Experience
Winner Has a complete lack of big game experience, which serves to further endanger both the quality and the sanctity of American's true game - that brutal ballet known as Professional Football.
Not real dad.

The Winner Is

Winner Replacement Ref
5 out of 7

The ref wins!

MORE TALES OF THE TAPE

  1. Nigel Williams-Goss #5 of the Gonzaga Bulldogs reacts after a play in the second half against the South Carolina Gamecocks during the 2017 NCAA Men's Final Four Semifinal at University of Phoenix Stadium on April 1, 2017 in Glendale, Arizona. Kennedy Meeks #3 and Justin Jackson #44 of the North Carolina Tar Heels react in the second half against the Oregon Ducks during the 2017 NCAA Men's Final Four Semifinal at University of Phoenix Stadium on April 1, 2017 in Glendale, Arizona.
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    Gonzaga and North Carolina are set to square off in the NCAA Championship. Let’s break down the matchup.

  2. Joel Berry II #2 of the North Carolina Tar Heels handles the ball in the second half against the Kentucky Wildcats during the 2017 NCAA Men's Basketball Tournament South Regional at FedExForum on March 26, 2017 in Memphis, Tennessee. Tyler Dorsey #5 of the Oregon Ducks reacts in the second half against the Kansas Jayhawks during the 2017 NCAA Men's Basketball Tournament Midwest Regional at Sprint Center on March 25, 2017 in Kansas City, Missouri.
    Final Four Tale: 1 North Carolina Vs. 3 Oregon

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  3. osh Perkins #13 of the Gonzaga Bulldogs celebrateswith teammates in the second half against the Xavier Musketeers during the 2017 NCAA Men's Basketball Tournament West Regional at SAP Center on March 25, 2017 in San Jose, California. Chris Silva #30 of the South Carolina Gamecocks reacts after a play against the Florida Gators in the second half during the 2017 NCAA Men's Basketball Tournament East Regional at Madison Square Garden on March 26, 2017 in New York City.
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