TALE OF THE TAPE

Replacement Ref Vs. Mom’s New Boyfriend, Mark

Replacement Ref
Mom’s New Boyfriend
refvsmark-1
markvsweb
Salary
Winner Makes $8.40/hour.
Winner Makes $8.40/hour.
Financial Planning
Winner Desperately saving money for Christmas, knowing full well that this gig could end at any second.
Drank away all of this year's Christmas money already, keeps saying "Oh God, don't tell your mom, it'll be our little secret, OK? Don't tell your mother…Please?"
Image
Awfully patches a sport's soul.
Winner Sports an awful soul patch.
Goals
Tries to buy LeSean McCoy’s affection with pleas of Fantasy Football glory.
Winner Tries to buy your affection with poorly-thought out gifts.
Education
Winner Failed out of University of Phoenix.
Winner Failed out of University of Phoenix.
Means of Transportation
Winner Takes the bus, probably.
Drives a Kia.
Experience
Winner Has a complete lack of big game experience, which serves to further endanger both the quality and the sanctity of American's true game - that brutal ballet known as Professional Football.
Not real dad.

The Winner Is

refvsmark-1
Winner Replacement Ref
5 out of 7

The ref wins!

MORE TALES OF THE TAPE

  1. (Photo by Christian Petersen/Getty Images) (Photo by Brian Bahr/Getty Images)
    Tale Of The Tape: Arizona Cardinals At San Francisco 49ers

    It’s a good thing the Cardinals have their playoff berth locked up, because the offense has lost its drive after losing quarterbacks Carson Palmer and Drew Stanton to injuries.

  2. (Photo by Dilip Vishwanat/Getty Images) (Photo by Jamie Squire/Getty Images)
    Tale Of The Tape: Oakland Raiders At Denver Broncos

    The Raiders have certainly shown some life in the second half of the season, and while it most likely won’t be enough to help Tony Sparano shed the interim label and become the full-time head coach, he does deserve credit for not letting this team give up.

  3. (Photo by Joe Skipper/Getty Images) (Photo by Otto Greule Jr/Getty Images)
    Tale Of The Tape: St. Louis Rams At Seattle Seahawks

    The Rams offense functioned at a much higher level in their Week 16 loss to the Giants with Shaun Hill at quarterback, and he is coming off a confidence-boosting 24-of-32 game for 290 yards with 2 TDs and 1 interception.

See All Tales of the Tape