TALE OF THE TAPE

Replacement Ref Vs. Mom’s New Boyfriend, Mark

Replacement Ref
Mom’s New Boyfriend
refvsmark-1
markvsweb
Salary
Winner Makes $8.40/hour.
Winner Makes $8.40/hour.
Financial Planning
Winner Desperately saving money for Christmas, knowing full well that this gig could end at any second.
Drank away all of this year's Christmas money already, keeps saying "Oh God, don't tell your mom, it'll be our little secret, OK? Don't tell your mother…Please?"
Image
Awfully patches a sport's soul.
Winner Sports an awful soul patch.
Goals
Tries to buy LeSean McCoy’s affection with pleas of Fantasy Football glory.
Winner Tries to buy your affection with poorly-thought out gifts.
Education
Winner Failed out of University of Phoenix.
Winner Failed out of University of Phoenix.
Means of Transportation
Winner Takes the bus, probably.
Drives a Kia.
Experience
Winner Has a complete lack of big game experience, which serves to further endanger both the quality and the sanctity of American's true game - that brutal ballet known as Professional Football.
Not real dad.

The Winner Is

refvsmark-1
Winner Replacement Ref
5 out of 7

The ref wins!

MORE TALES OF THE TAPE

  1. Members of the New England Patriots celebrate with the Vince Lombardi Trophy after defeating the Seattle Seahawks 28-24 in Super Bowl XLIX. Recording artist Katy Perry performs onstage during the Pepsi Super Bowl XLIX Halftime Show.
    Was Super Bowl XLIX Or Katy Perry’s Halftime Show More Exciting?

    I don’t usually watch Super Bowl halftime shows. But when I do, it has Katy Perry. How did her performance measure up to the game?

  2. New England Patriots head coach Bill Belichick talks to the media during a press conference Sunset over water
    More Shocking, Bill Belichick Not Aware Of Deflated Footballs Or Sun Setting In West?

    The sun sets in the west every day. But is that more shocking than Bill Belichick claiming ignorance in Deflate-gate?

  3. Tom Brady #12 of the New England Patriots (Photo by Jim Rogash/Getty Images) Russell Wilson #3 of the Seattle Seahawks (Photo by Otto Greule Jr/Getty Images)
    Which Team Has The Super Bowl Edge? New England Patriots Vs. Seattle Seahawks

    The Patriots have managed to outsmart both the Ravens and Colts with trick plays in the postseason, and the Seahawks will have to be on high alert here.

See All Tales of the Tape