Tale of the tape
Replacement Ref Vs. Mom’s New Boyfriend, Mark
|Makes $8.40/hour.||Salary||Makes $8.40/hour.|
|Desperately saving money for Christmas, knowing full well that this gig could end at any second.||Financial Planning||Drank away all of this year's Christmas money already, keeps saying "Oh God, don't tell your mom, it'll be our little secret, OK? Don't tell your mother…Please?"|
|Awfully patches a sport's soul.||Image||Sports an awful soul patch.|
|Tries to buy LeSean McCoy’s affection with pleas of Fantasy Football glory.||Goals||Tries to buy your affection with poorly-thought out gifts.|
|Failed out of University of Phoenix.||Education||Failed out of University of Phoenix.|
|Takes the bus, probably.||Means of Transportation||Drives a Kia.|
|Has a complete lack of big game experience, which serves to further endanger both the quality and the sanctity of American's true game - that brutal ballet known as Professional Football.||Experience||Not real dad.|
The winner is
More Tales of the tape
Tale Of The Tape: New York Giants At San Diego Chargers
The Giants have certainly been playing better football in recent weeks since they have won five of their last six games following an 0-6 start.
Tale Of The Tape: Oakland Raiders At New York Jets
It’s not often that the Oakland Raiders go into a game with a clear quarterback advantage over their opponents, but that’s the case here.
Tale Of The Tape: Seattle Seahawks At San Francisco 49ers
The Seahawks have had the upper hand this season since they defeated the Niners in Seattle earlier in the season, but the Niners will get their chance to make a statement at home.