TALE OF THE TAPE

Replacement Ref Vs. Mom’s New Boyfriend, Mark

Replacement Ref
Mom’s New Boyfriend
Salary
Winner Makes $8.40/hour.
Winner Makes $8.40/hour.
Financial Planning
Winner Desperately saving money for Christmas, knowing full well that this gig could end at any second.
Drank away all of this year's Christmas money already, keeps saying "Oh God, don't tell your mom, it'll be our little secret, OK? Don't tell your mother…Please?"
Image
Awfully patches a sport's soul.
Winner Sports an awful soul patch.
Goals
Tries to buy LeSean McCoy’s affection with pleas of Fantasy Football glory.
Winner Tries to buy your affection with poorly-thought out gifts.
Education
Winner Failed out of University of Phoenix.
Winner Failed out of University of Phoenix.
Means of Transportation
Winner Takes the bus, probably.
Drives a Kia.
Experience
Winner Has a complete lack of big game experience, which serves to further endanger both the quality and the sanctity of American's true game - that brutal ballet known as Professional Football.
Not real dad.

The Winner Is

Winner Replacement Ref
5 out of 7

The ref wins!

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  3. Week 7 Tale Of The Tape: Seattle Seahawks At New York Giants

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