A young professional’s take on the trials and tribulations of everyday life in New York City.

It’s been a real menagerie around here lately. First Mia the Bronx Zoo cobra slithered her way out of her cage and into our nightmares. I mean hearts. She is back where she belongs behind a wall of glass which we can only hope is impenetrable. If her constant and savvy presence on Twitter is any indication, it seems she’s gotten smarter since her first breakout attempt and will not rest until she’s free—and climbing up your toilet.

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Not long after, a female peacock—or rather peahensauntered off the zoo grounds and spent a few blissful days bopping around the Bronx, snacking on discarded food, narrowly avoiding vehicular death, and generally bemusing residents with her casual presence. And of course, again with the Twitter. Though unlike Mia, who uses her platform to stretch her comedic…er, legs…@BronxZooPeacock appears to be gearing up for a political announcement leading into 2012. [Insert obvious joke comparing peacocks to politicians here.]

Then there was the seal, who visited us for a brief time but soon took off down the Hudson River once more. She’s probably docking in Seaside Heights right about now, looking for a decent rental near the boardwalk. She is going to be super disappointed once she hears that MTV’s Jersey Shore “juicehead gorillas” are off in Italy right now, reinforcing negative American stereotypes among Europeans (while Monsieur Strauss-Kahn returns the favor on our turf).

Of course, there’s Unsinkable Molly Brown—the calico cat who washed up on Governor’s Island after a storm last month who has been adopted by her new home and roams around like she owns the place. And we can’t forget the baby peregrine falcons who hatched on top of a skyscraper down on Water Street. We like them because they’re fuzzy, they’re cute, they’re endangered, one of them is named after a fallen Marine, and apparently they eat pigeons when they get older.

Now there’s a little bitty two-and-a-half foot alligator who has escaped an illegal pet situation and has been rescued from the Long Island Expressway, which is excellent both for the well-being of the alligator and due to the aforementioned toilet-climbing possibilities. He doesn’t have a name or a Twitter feed, though…yet.

Who’s next? I feel like we’re all about to be in one of those ridiculous movie scenes where all the animals get together and escape from their tiny cages at the old-fashioned, horribly cruel-looking zoo and go parading down the streets, elephants and lions and monkeys and giraffes all marching together and causing all sorts of good-natured mayhem. They make lots of noise and all the townspeople gasp and gawp and the children laugh and point and then everyone throws a big party. Of course, in the real version, a whole bunch of people and beasts would likely wind up getting mauled and shot, respectively, so let’s try to avoid this.

In the meantime, I am going to start a boutique social media personal PR firm for escaped and/or misplaced zoological species in New York City. I smell a goldmine somewhere in here. Or maybe that’s just dung. Either way!

Dear Readers: While I am rarely at a loss for words, I’m always grateful for column ideas. Please feel free to e-mail me your suggestions.

Nina Pajak is a writer and publishing professional living with her husband on the Upper West Side.

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