Nina In New York: Let's Drink To The Future

A lighthearted look at news, events, culture and everyday life in New York. The opinions expressed are solely those of the writer.
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By Nina Pajak

Big news in the beverage industry this week, friends. Two newses, to be specific. While some may not consider beverage news to be of any particular importance, I think that we can look at these developments and make some inferences about the direction our society is going. It's like they always say: first come the beverages, there goes the neighborhood.

First comes Palcohol, a tantalizing product which has been dangled over our heads for some time now. Palcohol is a powdered alcohol which dissolves in water and comes in flavors like vodka, rum, Cosmo and "Powderita." It was approved, because duh. Then the approval was rescinded, because double duh. Now it's been officially made legal, and states are scrambling to ban it on an individual basis (including New York). But in the meantime, you and your miscreant teenage offspring are free to have yourself a cocktail (or chug what is essentially straight vodka) anywhere that allows you to bring or purchase a bottle of water. St. Patrick's Day, baseball games, domestic flights, and the prom will never be the same.

Next up is Starbucks, with yet another brilliant innovation which seamlessly separates people from their money quickly and painlessly. Have you ever been sitting in your office and thought to yourself, gosh. I would love to have a sugary cup of frozen coffee milk/bitter, burned cup of joe/mediocre donut in roughly thirty minutes, but I don't want the physical movement, free time, social interaction, or fresh air that comes with taking an actual coffee break. I would actually pay someone to deliver a drink to me right now, on top of the cost of the Frappuccino! Enter Starbucks, answerer of prayers. They'll be rolling out a delivery service in New York City to offices only, and in Seattle to both offices and private residences. Flat delivery fee is still TBD, but you can bet it'll be worth it.

From these two bits of news, I think that we can surmise a fair amount about the future. One is that soon we will all become fused to our desk chairs and may even one day evolve into a chair-human hybrid with rolly wheels instead of feet. So, that's pretty good. The other is that we'll soon all be broke, and also drunk. Cheers!

Nina Pajak is a writer living with her husband, daughter and dog in Queens. Connect with Nina on Twitter!