Nina In New York: Well, This Is Awkward.

A lighthearted look at news, events, culture and everyday life in New York. The opinions expressed are solely those of the writer.
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By Nina Pajak

The Internet is so weird.

I'm not even talking in the fetishistic, deep, deep niche sense. I'm talking about how it interferes in a bizarre and unnatural way in basic, old fashioned human interactions.

To whit: Like thousands of others, I belong to a social media group for parents who live in my neighborhood. This is a very common thing to do both in my community and all the others around the city (and possibly the country). The parent boards allow people to ask open-ended questions about everything from doctor recommendations to playgrounds to snow removal. It gives people a forum to list relevant items for sale or to report bad, anonymous nanny behavior or to query those more experienced on matters that can be somewhat mystifying, like preschools and plumbing problems. It's generally a nice place, very little of the psychotic, troll-fueled bickering you'd expect. I rarely post but often read along out of curiosity.

Recently, I was doing just that when I came across a post from a parent concerned about his teenager's mental wellbeing and seeking psychologist/psychiatrist recommendations. To be sure, this post stuck out as more personal and urgent than the usual "anyone wanna buy my old breast pump?" posts, but clearly the person is in need of some neighborly help. Most of the responses were respectful and helpful. And then I came to this (which I've paraphrased):

Sounds like he needs a girlfriend.

D-bag alert. D-bag alert. He was called out for his rudeness by the original poster and subsequently apologized, apology was accepted, and the whole thing was resolved. But here comes the problem: this forum is not anonymous. He cuts a pretty high profile on there as someone who frequently responds to posts, and I've even recognized him around the neighborhood. I mean, it is a local group. So when I read this, I thought to myself, "well, I definitely am not going to be friends with that guy."

So now, of course, I find myself in the same parent-facilitated toddler class with him and his kid. I recognized him immediately.

It's not like this necessarily needs to be a big deal. There's no particular reason for us to interact. But I'm struck by how deeply strange it is to enter a room full of theoretical strangers and then find that I already know enough about a person to feel like we probably won't get along. And now it's awkward in my head, which means that it's probably awkward outside of my head because I do not possess a poker face and am awkward anyway, even when there is no reason. It's like knowing a secret about someone who doesn't even know you, but I wasn't told by a loose-lipped mutual friend. I was told by the internet. See what I mean? The internet is SO WEIRD.

Maybe I'm being overly harsh and critical. Except that I don't think I am. I'm pretty good at ignoring first appearances when it comes to sizing up a potential friend, but it's hard not to judge based on actual words and deeds, virtual though they may be. And in a society in which our lives are led increasingly online, I'm not so sure virtual acts should be any less attributable to a person's character. We're all different in person than we are represented on a computer screen, but we're representing ourselves all the same. If potential employers can judge a candidate based on his or her Facebook and Twitter contributions, why shouldn't individuals do the same? It's long been time for us to take ourselves as seriously online as we'd want to be taken in "real life." Because we never know who's listening (aside from the government, I mean).

Nina Pajak is a writer living with her husband, daughter and dog in Queens. Connect with Nina on Twitter!