Nina In New York: We've Got The Screen Time Blues

A lighthearted look at news, events, culture and everyday life in New York. The opinions expressed are solely those of the writer.
______________

By Nina Pajak

We live in a pretty messed up society. On the one hand, we are obsessed with health and fitness. Our paradigm of bodily perfection has become impossibly thin and mythically proportioned. Overweight people are judged harshly, given little sympathy, and are often tormented as kids. On the other hand, the entire country is in the midst of a rampant obesity epidemic which we cannot seem to cure.

As a parent, I do what I can to keep my kid well-fed and active. But you know, she's got that Schwartz appetite. Did you hear the one about my great-grandma Minnie? She used to drink a Slim-Fast shake with her meal. Ba dum dum. One family member used to eat so much as a kid, his parents had to ring an imaginary bell to signal the end of his meal! Ha ha ha!

Oh wait, that's no joke.

It's not that I'm particularly worried at this point, but I do think it's important to keep these concerns present in our minds as we raise the next generation of (hopefully) healthy people. We need to do what we can to enforce good habits now, so that when our children are in college they actually want to exercise and eat kale or radishes or whatever the vegetable du jour will be in the year 2035.

Well, crud. Last week, the Los Angeles Times reported on a study that found that among kindergarteners, those who spent at least an hour a day watching television were 52% more likely to be overweight, and 72% more likely to be obese.

I'm thinking I may need to address the fact that my child is already heavily under the influence of several animated characters. I don't think she's consistently consuming as much as an hour a day of media, but the seeds have been planted. The obsessions are rapidly sprouting. The demands to watch increase with intensity.

"I wanna watch. But I wanna. But I wanna! But I need to. But. Buh buh buh buh BUT! Please. Please. Puh-leaze." <indecipherable wailing>

What I'm saying is, we may be in trouble.

For the record, the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends no more than two hours a day of screen time for kids. Although, they recommend zero hours for kids under two, so I suppose I've been in hot water for some time now.

But, can anyone honestly avoid it? I mean, anyone other than the people who already pretentiously don't own televisions and pretend to have never heard of the Real Housewives franchise. You're not fooling anyone, guys. So can normal people avoid it? Normal people who need a break to write a grocery list or boil some water or go to the bathroom? Normal people who sometimes just. Can't. Fight. Anymore. The summer months are one thing, but winter is long. So long. Long, long, long. They are especially long for those of us whose attention spans do not exceed six minutes, and who can tear through a week's worth of creative activities in a little under an hour.

I can find commiseration from other parents pretty easily, which tells me that all these doctors' orders are a little idealistic. And that's coming from a stay-at-home mom who doesn't have the added responsibilities of an outside job or other children. So I worry about these types of stories, and when I worry I tend to stress-eat cheese and corn chips, and now I'm putting my child into yet another risk category for obesity. Can this be what the Pediatricians That Be are envisioning? I want to know if the faces behind the AAP actually adhere to their own rules as strictly as they dictate. Can someone study that? I don't know what I'm looking for other than a little pat on the shoulder and a reassuring wink.

New AAP Guideline: Take It Easy On Yourself, Nina. You're Probably Doing Okay.

I'd fund that research.

Nina Pajak is a writer living with her husband, daughter and dog in Queens. Connect with Nina on Twitter!