Nina in New York: We're Beyond Help And Remain Blameless (Or, Relax And Eat Your Fries)

A lighthearted look at news, events, culture and everyday life in New York. The opinions expressed are solely those of the writer.
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By Nina Pajak

Remember way back in 2008, when the city began forcing restaurant chains to post calorie information for its menu items? And we were all, "yeah! That'll help people make better choices!" Or maybe we were all like, "no! Leave me and my Big Mac alone and let me kill myself slowly the way God intended." Either way, we all figured that a change was imminent in the way we behaved as consumers. Knowledge is power, right? How could we ignore the facts about the horrible foods we'd been ignorantly throwing down our fat, fat gullets lo these many years?

As it turns out, the answer is "pretty easily." According to a study in Health Affairs, "There were no statistically significant changes over time in levels of calories or other nutrients purchased or in the frequency of visits to fast-food restaurants." In other words, we're basically no better or worse off than we ever were, despite our new, deep familiarity with our chicken fingers. I guess there's really no helping us. WE TOLD YOU SO, BLOOMBERG. At least we're making informed decisions.

The fact of the matter is, it may not be our faults. As with most of our self-destructive behaviors, the blame probably lies with our parents. Another new study, this one from researchers at Imperial College London, has found evidence that craving salty, greasy, fatty fast food may be genetically predetermined. Then again, they only tested 45 white Europeans, and we all know that those schmendricks can't even begin to understand eating greasy the way an American can. But whatever, take the gift. Call your mother. Call your Weight Watchers leader. Call your therapist. Rejoice in your powerlessness!

Also, take heart! As science has been working overtime this week to make you feel better about your inability to feed yourself like a reasonable person who wishes to live past 60. Cornell University just released a study of 6,000 red-blooded 'Murican eaters, in which they concluded that fast food, soda and sweets are not to blame for our obesity epidemic. They don't exactly recommend that we eat those things, but they assert that obesity has much more to do with the quantity we eat than the quality. That, and the amount of exercise we get. In fact, they found that underweight people tend to eat more junk than those who are overweight. So, as I write this I am plowing through a bag of Sour Patch Kids in the hopes of joining the ranks of all those skinny folks who load up on sugar. I'm fairly certain that's how this works.

A caveat: the researchers found that overconsumption of French fries was the one common thread among people with extremely high BMIs. See above. Blame grandpa. Proceed.

Nina Pajak is a writer living with her husband, daughter and dog in Queens. Connect with Nina on Twitter!