Nina In New York: Covering Your Roots Is So 2015

A lighthearted look at news, events, culture and everyday life in New York. The opinions expressed are solely those of the writer.
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By Nina Pajak

I remember my first grey hair like it was only yesterday. I was getting a haircut, a mere babe in my late 20s, reading a tabloid and minding my business when my even-younger hairdresser cheerfully announced that he had uncovered a grey.

"WHAT?! PLUCK IT OUT!" I shrieked. He obliged and presented me with a coarse, curly, thick and undeniably melatonin-challenged strand. In an instant, I had a flash of future Nina, a head full of frizzy grey locks. I'd be asked to trade my leggings and leather boots for loud prints and loose-fitting skirts and become an upper west side therapist. I was pretty sure that once a Jewish woman undergoes that particular transformation, they actually just find her and hand her a degree in psychology. Come to think of it, there were certainly worse careers out there, the hours were good, and I was already a very good listener. But no! That wasn't the point!

I was far too young to dye.

Flash forward five or six years, one toddler and countless greys later, I can now laugh at my youthful panic. The hairs have multiplied, and it's abundantly clear what direction this is all headed in. But as long as I place my part just so and avoid harsh lighting and don't bend down and avoid tall people, no one is the wiser. And now, thanks to the miracle of science, I know that I can officially blame it on my gene pool.

In a recent study published in Nature Communications, researchers have discovered that the root (ha ha!) of the grey hair dilemma lies with a certain gene. They also discovered that genetics are responsible for other hair conditions, like baldness and that unibrow I've pledged my life to combat.

Sorry, daughter. Thanks a lot, Great Grandpa Joe.

This is an important finding, because...well, for obvious...uh. Hm.

"'We might have drugs that boost or stop the protein from acting and change the amount of melanin in hair follicles and change the hair internally,'" study leader Kaustubh Adhikari told Time. He went on: "'So once the hair comes out like the way you want, you don't have go out and buy dyes.'"

Aha. Isn't that, er, noble? Boy, I sure hope the medication is covered by insurance. So many millions of people will be spared from the hardship of buying a $15 roots touch-up kit every six weeks or so. Think of the lives saved! Think of the money made by the pharmaceutical companies! Oh wait, no. Don't think about that. Think of the children! Yeah, that's it! The children.

Perhaps this will turn into one of those amazing stories in which scientists in pursuit of an unnecessary vanity drug accidentally discover a side effect that cures Alzheimer's. Or reverses liver damage. Or makes prodigious grey hairs sprout from unsuspecting users' ears. I'd settle for that last one if we can't do any better.

Hooray for progress.

Nina Pajak is a writer living with her husband, daughter and dog in Queens. Connect with Nina on Twitter!