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Nina In New York: Science Says Hit The Snooze, Ladies

A lighthearted look at news, events, culture and everyday life in New York. The opinions expressed are solely those of the writer.

By Nina Pajak

I am tired. I've always thought I knew what this meant, but it turns out until I had children I really had no idea. Even at this moment, it is late, my husband is upstairs settling into bed, and I am trying to think, write, pay medical bills, do a crossword puzzle, order groceries online and plan my daughter's birthday party all while keeping an eye on an episode "Shark Tank." On top of that, I'm growing another baby inside my body, which, despite appearing to be a rather passive activity is truly exhausting.

Tonight is a slow night.

I'm not bragging or trying to compete to be America's Next Top Martyr. I'm just saying that a day in the life is pretty jam-packed, even when it seems like I'm just sitting around staring at a computer screen. And as it turns out, I'm a pretty typical girl.

According to a study from Loughborough University's Sleep Research Center in Leicestershire, England, women officially need more sleep than men due to their exceedingly complex, highly functioning brains. No, seriously. From The New York Post, according to the Center's director, Professor Jim Horne:

"'Women tend to multi-task – they do lots at once and are flexible – and so they use more of their actual brain than men do.'"

Boo-ya.

Of course, wives and mothers have been preaching this for decades. Centuries, even, maybe. We know that our minds work on overdrive all day long, and we know that our dear partners' brains are . . . uh . . . simpler. Not that we don't love and value them for their many capabilities, bless their hearts. But try giving your husband a shopping list and asking him to convey a complicated message to his mother while he's in the midst of coloring with your toddler. Thought so.

Don't feel badly, guys. We may make it look easy, but all this high-level synapse work leaves us bushed by the end of the day. And as it turns out, we aren't actually superheroes. We simply require around twenty minutes more repose per night to compensate for our day's activities. And here's where we aren't quite so smart: the majority of women I know simply don't get enough sleep by any standard, let alone the extra these researchers recommend. The price we pay is evidently higher than the cost of under-eye concealer, too. Here's Horne again:

"'For women, poor sleep is strongly associated with high levels of psychological distress and greater feelings of hostility, depression, and anger.'"

Men, on the other hand, did not suffer these problems when deprived of sleep. So while we girls are clearly more powerful during our waking hours, we are also more vulnerable as a result. Boy, that sure sounds like a familiar story.

It's nothing we can't handle, particularly now that we know what we need for a fact and can adjust our schedules accordingly. Maybe. If the stars align and we get everything done efficiently and without interruption and we don't get distracted and we don't lie in bed for hours with our minds racing about all the things we need to do tomorrow while simultaneously worrying about whether and in what way our children might be cyber-bullied in ten years. And—oh no. Is that a baby crying? Wait! Don't you dare get up. Go ahead and whack your husband in the face to wake him up so he can do it. If he argues, just hit him again . . . with science. Bam.

Nina Pajak is a writer living with her husband, daughter and dog in Queens. Connect with Nina on Twitter!

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