Nina In New York: Eat This, Not That. No, Not That Either. Or This, For That Matter.

A lighthearted look at news, events, culture and everyday life in New York. The opinions expressed are solely those of the writer.

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By Nina Pajak

In pregnancy, as in life, one must be constantly on the lookout for food-borne illness. As someone who is something of a magnet for stomach ailments, as well as someone who very much loves to eat, I find myself in a difficult position. We've all heard the copious advice heaped onto women regarding what they ought and ought NEVER, EVER eat. The list is too long to delve into exhaustively, but includes such delectable (and potentially DEADLY) menu items such as sushi, cured meats, lunch meat, deli salads, alfalfa sprouts, smoked fish, unpasteurized cheese, tuna, bacon, and any other foods that may have shared a knife, cutting board, shelf space, or time zone with any of the aforementioned.

While it's often discussed and agreed upon that the American approach to pregnancy is particularly puritanical and heavy on the medical intervention, it's difficult to ignore warnings once one has been duly warned. I get it: moderation is everything, and the litigious medical system in our country makes it impossible for doctors to preach moderation and reasonable choices without great fear of a malpractice suit. So we can trust our past experiences and instincts and decision-making abilities, but it's hard to feel really great about eating salami when your physician has told you that it's probably fine unless it causes your unborn child to die in utero. Tricky stuff, huh? I mean, has freshly sliced lox ever made me sick in my life? No . . . not yet. But I'll tell you what has: Greek salads, hot dogs, cooked salmon, cream cheese, grilled chicken. I don't remember the rest. So where does that leave me?

This week alone, already, companies in this country have recalled frozen vegetables for Listeria (Most Wanted Pregnancy Killer) and bagged herbal tea for salmonella. TEA, EVERYBODY. And it was organic, no less. You know what? So were most of the potentially lethal veggies. Years ago, candied apples were the guilty party. For a time, tomatoes were a prime suspect. None of those items have ever been considered risky picks until suddenly they were. And meanwhile, here I am staring down a package of delicious, delicious prosciutto and wondering what my risk benefit analysis should yield. Risk: extremely rare yet life-threatening illness. Benefit: HONGRY. Analysis: eat the salami? Maybe? You guys, I didn't go to business school. This is hard stuff for someone with nothing but a BA in English and French. Gah, who was my college advisor? Why didn't anybody warn me how complicated life could become?

Anyway, it seems to me that the moral of the story is that all edible substances, no matter how well-regulated, possess the potential to sicken. Even for someone who lives by the law of calculated risk, this is pretty confusing. So we can either eat nothing or everything. What's the difference? Soon we'll all have the Zika virus anyway, right? Screw it. I'm moving to London and having a glass of wine, then I'm taking a trip to the mainland to eat some soft, raw cheese and a salumi plate. Just keep me clear of the organic, frozen corn and drugstore-brand chamomile.

Nina Pajak is a writer living with her husband, daughter and dog in Queens. Connect with Nina on Twitter!