Fantasy football has been one of the biggest boons to the league’s popularity and is far and away the best fantasy experience. It’s not as involved as fantasy baseball, it’s not nearly as pointless as fantasy basketball or hockey, and if you’re smart, there is enough money involved to keep it interesting and the draft is just an excuse to drink irresponsibly. Still, fantasy football leagues are easy enough to ruin, so make sure not to invite the following people to your draft.
5. The guy who constantly talks crap: Good-natured ribbing is a big part of fantasy football. But this is the guy who just takes it too far and tries wayyy too hard to make a joke after every single pick. There’s a limit on how many times you can see “wow, you’re drafting that guy, didn’t you hear about his knee injury?” before it just gets annoying. This guy exceeds that limit before the end of the second round.
4. The overly cautious guy: He’s the one who brings 10 magazines and three separate cheat sheets to the draft and then pours over every one before every single pick. He’s the reason you might have to institute a time limit to make a pick and three hours into a draft everyone will hate him. He’s also an incredible pain to trade with during the season.
3. Women: Am I right? Just kidding, let’s move on.
2. The guy who gets bored after two rounds: You have to be in a league with this guy to know to avoid him but after it happens, get rid of him. Have a list of alternates just in case, and as soon as he starts whining for someone to turn on a baseball game during the draft because he’s bored, kick him out and call an alternate to pick up where he left off in the draft. This guy ultimately turns into the guy who quits caring by week six and forgets to alter his lineup when his big players have bye weeks and get injured.
1. The guy who pretends to know nothing: He wanted to be in the league because he’s friends with someone who won in the past few years and he thinks it will be a walk in the park for him with how well he knows football. Then he tries to draft Steve Young in the first round. That’s cute the first time, but after a few rounds it becomes painfully evident that he knows as much about the current NFL season as your wife. After he tries to take a defense with his third pick, everyone else has to hold his hand through the rest of the draft, like he’s the token handicapped kid on the high school basketball team.
Mark Chalifoux is a contributing writer to CBS Local. He can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org or @markchalifoux on twitter.