By: Kyle Ayers
I spent my last vacation sitting at home watching Breaking Bad on Netflix. Though it was no Sandals Resort, Bryan Cranston made me feel as though I had truly done something worthwhile with my days off.
Tom Brady and the New England Patriots earned a bye week by finishing with the best record in the AFC. Seven extra days to prepare for their home playoff game. Or seven free days to spend as you please, if you’re a team with an offense as potent as New England. While most of the Patriots would likely spend that extra time with their family or watching film, super-quarterback Tom Brady likely had other ideas. I’ve concocted a few theories as to how Tom Brady passed the time over these last seven or eight days.
Note: New York Jets QB Mark Sanchez is also doing interesting things with his bye week, although due to his play this season, his bye week is from now until September.
Brady Theory One: He and his supermodel wife Gisele Bundchen spend days just sitting still, staring into each others’ eyes, admiring how good looking and successful one another are. This could go on for a while, with likely no clear victor either way.
Brady Theory Two: Working on his dance skills. Brady spent 2011 Carnival in Rio di Janiero, dancing the night away with Gisele (and mostly alone, though who could blame Gisele for not wanting to dance with Tom with these moves). If Brady knows what is good for him, he’s using some of his millions to hire a dance instructor, or five.
Brady Theory Three: Walking around in public reminding people that he exists and allowing people to acknowledge that he is Tom Brady. I have spent countless hours deciding how I will behave when I become world famous. Most of the time I settle on the idea that I will just show up at random places and allow people to see me in person.
Brady Theory Four: Haircut. Or hair extensions. I’m not quite sure what stage Brady’s hair is at right now, but a good hair adjustment would take at least seven days, right?
Brady Theory Five: Catching up on Breaking Bad. Hey, I can dream, right? It’s a great show, though I’m sure Brady is more of a How I Met Your Mother fan.
Brady Theory Six: Studying game film of the Denver Broncos. Until Sunday afternoon, no one knew exactly who the Patriots would be playing next week, except apparently Tom Brady. After beating down Tebow and his Bronco teammates, Brady approached Tebow after the game and said “We’ll see you again.” After his 80-yard overtime winner on Sunday, Tebow jokingly said of Brady, “I guess he’s a prophet.” And, if anyone would know, it would be Tebow.
Kyle Ayers is a writer for CBS Local and KorkedBats.com, as well as a stand up comedian living in New York, Earth.