Nina In New York: Kardashian For Mayor. No, Really!
A lighthearted look at news, events, culture and everyday life in New York.
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By Nina Pajak
While Kim Kardashian is famous for . . . well, something, we've all know the celebutante for her quick wit, discerning demeanor and shrewd political mind. So it came as no surprise yesterday when news broke that Kardashian is seriously contemplating a run at the Glendale, Calif., mayor's office.
Oh, hang on. That doesn't sound right at all.
But it's true! She brushed the dirt of her embarrassing divorce off her shoulders and has voiced an interest in public office. I mean, we'll have to, like, redecorate the actual public office, because it's probably all dirty and ugly and has bad carpeting and the word "public" just makes everything sound so icky, doesn't it? You know, like public toilet, public pool, public transportation, public lice. Like, ew. What are lice, anyway? We'll have to get them abolished or whatever when Kim's in the White House. Or the Mayor's Mansion. Or whatever.
Though she doesn't plan to officially run for another five years—first she must establish residency and read this Wikipedia entry for "Mayor"— we've got a lot to look forward to. And by we, I mean everyone in the country other than the residents of Glendale, for whom the future looks legitimately bleak. But for us, this promises to be a helluva campaign. And by campaign, I mean E! network special mini-series tentatively (fictionally) entitled, Vote for Kim: A Very Kardashian Kampaign.
I cannot wait to watch over a painfully drawn out twenty-episode story arc as Kim chooses her most responsible-looking sexy business suits and sits for hair and makeup before going to a nursing home to make a speech about puppies or health care or how she really is just looking for true love. Then she gets into a catfight with her sisters over the public pension plan and salary increases for the teachers' union. No wait. I mean, over whether or not Kim thought Khloe was out of line when she called the other one a bitch, even though she, like, totally can be. Also, shoes.
I'd say that the good people of Glendale will likely not let Ms. Kardashian hire her decorator to start measuring for new drapes in the mayor's office, but who knows? It wouldn't be the first time an unlikely actor winds up taking office in California. Also, two city councilmen are already drooling and tripping all over themselves to praise Kardashian's mayoral potential and offer guidance in the form of close and frequent proximity. You know, because they're political mentors. Sure. If Kim's smart, she'll text Hillary and get some real advice.
Anyway, I hope this isn't another passing phase for the mistress of maquillage. There's too much good that can come out of this. Either it'll be an entertainment bonanza and provide the blogs enough fodder for the next five years to keep them all in Google AdWords, or we'll all be stunned to be proven wrong when a sober, made-under Kardashian emerges with a thoughtful and well-planned political platform.
As Mel Brooks once said in Robin Hood: Men In Tights, "either way, we're gonna have a lot of fun, huh?" Huh.
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Dear Readers: While I am rarely at a loss for words, I'm always grateful for column ideas. Please feel free to e-mail me your suggestions.
Nina Pajak is a writer and publishing professional living with her husband on the Upper West Side.
The Nina In New York Archives:
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