NEW YORK (WFAN) — Former Baltimore Ravens defensive lineman Tony Siragusa was known for going all-out on the field.
Well, let’s just say there was one weekend when he almost went — on the field.
There was no subject too taboo for Siragusa’s new book, “Goose: The Outrageous Life and Times of a Football Guy,” which included a harrowing incident involving pre-game discomfort, multiple enemas and the rear-end-tape-caper that followed.
It’s one thing to read about it. It’s quite another to hear it straight from the entertaining Super Bowl champion and current NFL analyst, as Boomer Esiason and Craig Carton found out Thursday morning.
LISTEN: Siragusa with Boomer & Carton
Siragusa said he had “a really bad stomach ache” overnight before one game against the Washington Redskins, and an X-ray by Ravens personnel revealed constipation. The real problem? His diagnosis came just four hours and change before game time.
Option 1: take a laxative. Pass.
Siragusa instead went with option No. 2 — an enema.
“It’s not like teams travel with enemas,” Siragusa told Boomer and Carton. “It’s not like they’ve got the real nice, pretty red bag, warm water; the little stick at the end that flares out a little bit. No. They actually had a saline bag, you know, for an I.V. And then they stuck a hose, which the diameter of the hose was a lot different than really I was looking for.
“It wasn’t like a pencil, it was more like a garden hose.”
The first attempt yielded little more than “fresh spring water.” With kicker Matt Stover attempting to give some unwelcome advice, Siragusa tried again — and again there was little to show for his effort.
“I’m like, ‘I can’t believe it,’ ” Siragusa said. “So I go over, (coach) Brian Billick comes up to me and he goes, ‘Hey listen man, we’ve got to know. We’ve got to put some guys down, we’ve got to inactivate (you).’ I’m like ‘Listen, I’m gonna (play).’ ”
So Siragusa, a “nervous wreck,” went with the only thing he could think of — with an assist from his teammates.
“I go over to one of the offensive linemen, I get like three or four strands of carpet tape,” he said. “I go, I squat down and I like put it between my butt cheeks. I tape my butt cheeks together.”
Yes, it gets better.
Siragusa, used to the Ravens’ purple and black uniforms, was horrified to see his gameday duds: white top, white pants.
“Now I’m terrified,” he admitted. “So I go over (to) my trainer. I go, ‘Listen, Tess (Bill Tessendorf), if for some reason I’m out there on the field and I’m lying on my back, under no circumstances do you turn me over. OK? Get the stretcher, put me on the gurney, get me inside, get me a fresh pair of pants, a little powder, a little something to wash up, a little washcloth, and let me get back out here.’ ”
Even though the Ravens lost, all’s well that ends well. Sirugusa found his relief (we’ll spare you the details of THAT), missed the team bus and took a cab back to the Ravens’ facility.
“This is real life, bro,” Siragusa told Boomer and Carton, the radio duo in stitches. “Real life!”
File it under “Too Much Information.”
Where does this rank on the all-time list of bizarre sports anecdotes? Be heard in the comments below!