NEW YORK (CBSNewYork) – Monica Lewinsky is opening up again about her affair with former President Bill Clinton.

Lewinsky, 40, has penned an essay about the affair which will appear in the June issue of Vanity Fair magazine, CBS 2’s Dave Carlin reported.

“I myself deeply regret what happened between me and President Clinton,” Lewinsky wrote. “I am determined to have a different ending to my story.”

Lewinsky writes her affair was between consenting adults.

“Any ‘abuse’ came in the aftermath, when I was made a scapegoat in order to protect his powerful position,” Lewinsky wrote. “The Clinton administration, the special prosecutor’s minions, the political operatives on both sides of the aisle, and the media were able to brand me.”

“I never really felt sorry for her, but I do believe she was a scapegoat,” New Rochelle resident Denise Monahan told CBS 2’s Lou Young.

In the essay, Lewinsky writes she was suicidal after the affair due to the constant shaming and scorn foisted upon her. Lewinsky wrote her mother was worried she might be “humiliated to death.” Lewinsky said she wants to speak out on behalf of those who are extensively and publicly humiliated online.

“I feel sorry for her because it was a two-sided situation,” said Mamaroneck resident Michelle LaRocco.

“My sympathy was always with Monica Lewinsky, not with the President,” said Riverdale resident Myra Gluck.

Lewinsky said she was inspired to write about the affair following the suicide of Rutgers freshman Tyler Clementi, who killed himself after an intimate encounter with another man was streamed online.

Clementi’s suicide prompted her to speak out because “Perhaps by sharing my story, I reasoned, I might be able to help others in their darkest moments of humiliation. The question became: How do I find and give purpose to my past?”

Lewinsky writes she wants to “get involved with efforts on behalf of victims of online humiliation and harassment and to start speaking on this topic in public forums.”

The comparison to Clementi’s death rang hollow to some who said having an affair with the president held self-evident dangers of exposure, Young reported.

“She made her own decisions as a woman. Tyler Clementi didn’t have a chance to make his decision. He was bullied and he took his own life because of the bullying. You cant compare,” said Somerset, N.J. resident Anna Boardman.

“The end result for her: she made her bed and now she has to lie in it,” said Rye Brook resident Jerry Kligman.

(credit: Sam Jones exclusively for Vanity Fair)

(credit: Sam Jones exclusively for Vanity Fair)

Lewinsky also writes that the Clintons never paid her off in an attempt to buy her silence, adding that she refused multimillion dollar job offers that would’ve required her to appear at press events.

Lewinsky writes she “remained virtually reclusive, despite being inundated with press requests” during Hillary Clinton’s 2008 presidential run. As to the timing of speaking out now, when Clinton is widely considered the front-runner for the Democrat nomination for president in 2016, Lewinsky writes “…should I put my life on hold for another 8 to 10 years?”

Lewinsky though seems to take Hillary Clinton a bit to task for her reaction to the affair.

“Hillary Clinton wanted it on record that she was lashing out at her husband’s mistress,” in correspondence with her friend Diane Blair. “She may have faulted her husband for being inappropriate, but I find her impulse to blame the Woman [sic] – not only me, but herself – troubling.”

Clinical psychologist Jeffrey Gardere told CBS 2’s Carlin he applauded Lewinsky’s efforts to move on with her life, but finds some of what she wrote troubling.

“I know Monica Lewinsky is complaining that she is still a victim and she cant find work. If you stay in that victim mentality where you feel the forces are manipulating you, then its very difficult to go forward,” Gardere said.

The magazine will be on shelves May 13.

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