NEW YORK (CBSNewYork) – A couple having trouble in the bedroom has become the talk of the Internet, and their private personal matters have become very public.
As CBS 2’s Emily Smith reported, the husband was tired of his wife turning him down for sex. So he took all the dates when he was refused over the past month, and all of the corresponding excuses, and put them into Excel spreadsheet – which he then emailed his wife.
The wife in turn posted the email and spreadsheet on Reddit, along with a plea for advice.
“Our sex life has tapered in the last few months, but isn’t that allowed?” wrote user Throwwwwaway29. “We are adults leading busy, stressful lives. I cook for him, I do his laundry, I keep our house clean and tidy. It’s not like our sex life was going to be this way forever, it was a temporary slow-down due to extenuating circumstances.”
Excuses listed in the spreadsheet – complete with occasional sidenotes – included “I’m watching the show (‘Friends’ rerun),” “I feel sweaty and gross, I need a shower (didn’t shower until next morning),” “I’m trying to watch the movie,” “I’m too drunk and I ate too much,” and “I’m trying to watch the movie (fell asleep 15min later),” among others.
The list goes to mid-July, saying about three “yes” responses to requests for sex in 27 weeks. The man initiated 27 times.
Sex therapist Jonathan Alpert said sex should never be tracked, but people do keep tabs.
“Generally, men come in and say that they’re undersexed; women come in and complain that all men want is sex,” Alpert said.
Dr. Megan Fleming, a clinical psychologist, said she sees the reverse complaint too. But either way, she said, a spreadsheet is not a good idea.
“Because it feels like a big weight – ‘Oh my God, how long has it been?’ and then they start to feel the tension around, ‘I’m supposed to want sex,’” Fleming said.
Sex therapist Ian Kerner said he hears every excuse on the list, and then some, every day.
“‘I’m watching “House of Cards” or “Orange is the New Black,” or ‘I’m just too tired to have sex,’ or, ‘Please, I’ve gained weight,’” Kerner said of the reasons women often give. “Men, it tends to be, ‘Oh, I’m stressed about work.’”
People often claim that everybody likes to talk about other people’s sex lives. CBS 2 just had to go out on the streets of Manhattan to ask people what they think, and what their best excuses are.
“I’m so honest, you know?” one woman said.
“I actually had to say, ‘I can’t, I have to wash my hair,’” a man said.
Sex experts said couples should have a conversation about their sex lives. But they should save the Excel spreadsheets for groceries or household chores.
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