Nina In New York: Sitting Is The New Black . . . Plague.
A lighthearted look at news, events, culture and everyday life in New York. The opinions expressed are solely those of the writer.
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By Nina Pajak
Big news on the "things that'll kill you" front: NOT OBESITY.
Well, wait. That's misleading. Yes, of course obesity will kill you. But more importantly, lack of exercise will kill you more.
According to new research, a sedentary lifestyle carries double the risk of early mortality that simple obesity does. If you were writing it into a slogan, you might say that sitting is the wave of the future—and it just might end yours! Laziness is the official death of the new millenium. Have a seat—and a smoke! Because both will kill you, so you might as well. Get it?
Naturally, obesity and too little physical activity go hand-in-hand, so it's difficult to separate them completely. But it's not just people who struggle with weight who need to worry here. Finally, there is a comeuppance for all those lazy, naturally skinny people who eat pizza for every meal and can barely lift a can of whole tomatoes and still fit into an H&M size two. At last, I can feel something other than hatred and envy as I am sweating and toiling at the gym only to look over at some lithe jerk sitting in full makeup on a recumbent bike as though it is a chaise lounge, reading The New Yorker and occasionally remembering to complete a rotation. I can feel superiority! I can feel self righteousness, and even pity! Our time has come, fellow strivers.
Not that I wish an early death brought about by a lifetime of under-exertion upon anyone. I really don't. And I have this feeling that the warnings here aren't really directed at the aforementioned freaks of nature. What all this really means is that people who are struggling to watch what they eat need to start struggling more than that to exercise too. But they have to also keep struggling to watch what they eat, because you'll probably still die young if you top off a daily half-hour walk with a trip to the Cheesecake Factory. So, stay sharp out there.
Incidentally, have you ever noticed how when you go on a diet, you suddenly start salivating in response to foods that would normally have repulsed you? I've been watching my intake for only a couple of weeks now, and I've already had inappropriate reactions to television commercials for Burger King, Dominos, and Wendy's. Nothing like "new year, new you" to really make you hate yourself. I knew I'd regret those resolutions. And now I have to add to them! Resolution #47: remove tuchus from couch, move it around a little. Boy, living a prolonged life is exhausting.
Nina Pajak is a writer living with her husband, daughter and dog in Queens. Connect with Nina on Twitter!
