Nina In New York: Respect The RSVP Or Feel The Mom-Wrath

A lighthearted look at news, events, culture and everyday life in New York. The opinions expressed are solely those of the writer.
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By Nina Pajak

The world of parenting just seems to get more and more treacherous with every passing phase. Just when I start to feel like I'm getting the hang of it, and like maybe I could be good at this "mom" stuff, I learn about some new threat or challenge which I must one day face. For instance, did you hear the one about the five-year-old in England who got charged for being a no-show at a classmate's birthday party?

That's not a joke.

It seems the celebration was held at a ski slope, and though little Alex Nash was down as a "yes," he and his parents discovered a last-minute family conflict and chose not to attend. Having ostensibly lost the invitation containing contact information, and having no idea there was any cost to them associated with the bash, they did not alert the hosts and were therefore unexpectedly absent from a fun-filled day of tubing, tobogganing, and fulfilling standard social obligations. Naturally, the mother throwing the party, Jennifer Lawrence, was irritated that the cost of a head was wasted, so like any rational person who lives on the planet Earth, she typed up a "no-show fee" invoice in the amount of £15.95 and got a teacher to slip it into the pint-size punk's backpack.

'That'll show them,' Lawrence probably thought. 'Next time they'll think twice before they skip a crucial function like a stranger's kid's fifth birthday party. Feel my mom-wrath, which is like wrath but coming from someone's mother!' And with that, she clapped her hands in satisfaction, cracked her knuckles, and resumed her angry editorial to the local paper about her neighbor's inability to properly follow the trash pick-up schedule.

A mom-fight ensued, which is like a regular human fight except it's between two moms so we have to reclassify it. Nash's parents refuse to pay, as they are upset in the way they were approached and continue to be spoken to. Lawrence is threatening small claims court, which may or may not cost triple the amount of the invoice in question. Alex has been ostracized by his school chums, because British kindergartners are famous sticklers for etiquette. And of course, the episode has made international news. The whole thing is a big, hyper-publicized mess.

Is it for any of us to weigh in on this sticky situation? Well, of course. I'm team no-show. The Lawrences were always going to pay for Alex's snowy adventure, and the fact that he left a sled empty doesn't change the dollar amount they'd already assumed they'd be spending. And if they were annoyed at spending fifteen pounds on an invisible kid, the non-insane thing to do would have been to make a phone call or write a letter expressing dismay and pointing out that the other parents' lack of consideration cost you money. Then badmouth her to the other moms and hold a grudge unless or until she did the right thing by apologizing and offering recompense, which you must of course decline because you've got class and it's really about the principle of the thing. How this Lawrence woman leapt over about a dozen reasonable boundaries and managed to get the whole class on her side is beyond me.

It also terrifies me. I know these people are across an ocean, but it's not like they live on Mars. Is it reasonable to expect that other classrooms filled with kids and moms would also be team Lawrence? Am I in the minority? Will I one day be faced with a peer group who supports no-show invoices snuck into five-year-olds' backpacks? Will I have to have a mom-fight over $24?

Perhaps it's time to give home schooling further consideration.

Nina Pajak is a writer living with her husband, daughter and dog in Queens. Connect with Nina on Twitter!