Nina In New York: Move Over, Sweden. Richard Branson Just Out-Fathered You
A lighthearted look at news, events, culture and everyday life in New York. The opinions expressed are solely those of the writer.
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By Nina Pajak
Holy domestic bliss, Batman. Last week, the Swedish government approved a proposition to increase mandatory paid paternity leave to a whopping three months.
Not to be outdone by uppity, progressive, Scandinavian countries, Virgin CEO and all-around good guy Richard Branson has made an astonishing announcement: his company would be granting employees a full year of PAID parental leave, which includes mothers, fathers, and adoptive parents.
This shouldn't be so shocking, but of course it is. Our country's stingy, rotten, good-for-nothing, low-down, dirty, lousy, bum parental leave policy mandates twelve (unpaid) weeks for new mothers and a whopping zero for dads. We lag the entire globe, with the exception of Papua New Guinea, which competes with us in the arena of callous shortsightedness.
I know a lot of men who felt that they couldn't be as helpful as they'd hoped when they were home with their first newborns. It's the mother who must nurse, who instinctively wakes up every time her baby stirs, who often has the more insistent biological need to tend to fruit of her pitiful, ruined loins. I've heard women tell me that they were happy for their husbands to go back to work, since it's not like they could help much with the baby. What would a guy do at home for a full year? There are only so many things a family needs from Target and Home Depot.
First of all, that's not true. There is literally no end to the number and array of items I need from Target and Home Depot. If I live to be 200 years old, not a day will go by that I couldn't find at least three things I need and/or want from their abundance. So, there's that.
But there's so much more to it. What Sweden and Branson understand is precisely where our cultural weirdness fails us: babies need both of their parents. All of their parents. Each of their parents. Whatever the makeup of your nuclear unit, this one thing is incontrovertibly true. Since we're discussing paternity leave, I'll stick to the conventional mom-dad conversation. What child was ever better off for having had less quality time with his or her father? What father-child relationship was ever improved by a lack of bonding, because that's "mom's job?" I'm guilty of this stodgy way of thinking, too. The number of times I've wanted to punch myself in the face for suggesting that my husband "babysit" our daughter is shameful. And speaking of husbands, what marriage or domestic partnership ever thrived more as a result of an imbalance in domestic workload? Did you catch the part about the loins? Moms need help, whether it comes in the form of a late-night diaper change or an opportunity to catch a quick nap or simply someone else running the vacuum or boiling the pasta which no one will have time to eat anyway. It's all important.
If the United States is going to catch up to the rest of the world, we are first going to have to do our part to change our way of thinking about families. Kids and dads are in equal need of bonding time, as much as kids and moms are. And what's more, there is no actual chance of equality in the workplace if there's none in the home. With dads free to bond with and watch the children and manage the household during that first, crazy year of parenting, moms can begin feeling liberated to explore better job opportunities. We wouldn't necessarily have to worry about whether our children will be well cared for or decide whose career is the one worth trashing. We wouldn't have to wonder whether our husbands can handle feedings and bath time and nap schedules. And when the year is up, we'd all feel a whole lot better about where we stand. We wouldn't be rushed or forced into some choice between the lesser of evils. Our precious infants wouldn't have been wrenched from our arms before they can hold their heads up. Our families would be set on a lifetime course of domestic equality, shared responsibility, and flexible gender roles. We'd work happily and efficiently at the companies that granted us these luxuries. Our kids would see both mom and dad excelling in the workplace, and they'd grow up understanding that men and women can do and be the same exact things.
Gee.
As far as Americans are concerned, the people of Sweden and Virgin Management glide over the fjords on sparkly unicorns that barf Fruity Pebbles. Perhaps one day, we'll fly and barf along with them. It's a beautiful dream.
Nina Pajak is a writer living with her husband, daughter and dog in Queens. Connect with Nina on Twitter!
