Nina In New York: Exercise Pill Will One Day Make All Your Dreams Come True

A lighthearted look at news, events, culture and everyday life in New York. The opinions expressed are solely those of the writer.
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By Nina Pajak

I've been exercising a lot, lately. And it's great. It's super fun, really. I run around, play tennis, ellipticize, jump up and down, box and kick. I wheeze a little and sweat a bunch and despite the fact that I endure 30 to 60 minutes of relative misery, the carrot at the end of my proverbial stick is the sense of accomplishment I feel once I'm done. My endorphins are high, my blood is pumping, my muscles are muscling. It's all really, really great and fun and good and healthy and great. And fun.

Sorta.

It's just so much work, you know? All that movement and energy expended for its own sake. If only I could enjoy the benefits of exercise from the comfort of my own bed. It's 2015, which is basically the future already. I mean, we're here, right? We've nearly arrived? We've got self-driving cars on the horizon, and robot butlers are probably just around the corner, so can't we just distill healthy behaviors in some way and cram them into pill form so that we can all kick back and watch our episodes of The Good Wife from our floating sofas instead of on a tiny screen on a treadmill?

The answer, amazingly, is yes! Or, yes with an asterisk. Scientists are hot on the trail of a so-called exercise pill, in fact. They are studying how muscles are affected after a workout and have made progress on designing a drug that could mimic those reactions. Here's the asterisk: experimental tests resulted in a product that appeared to cause cancer in lab animals. So, it seems we're pretty far away from a non-lethal bottle-o-fitness. Then again, no pain no gain, right?

No, of course not.

Another fact to consider: the pill, once perfected, is really aimed at helping people who cannot exercise due to disability or illness. It isn't necessarily going to be sold at Rite Aid in the "lazy slob" aisle. So dream on, but get to stepping, you couch potato! Those buns aren't going to steel themselves anytime soon.

Nina Pajak is a writer living with her husband, daughter and dog in Queens. Connect with Nina on Twitter!