Nina In New York: Calling Mom Draper
A lighthearted look at news, events, culture and everyday life in New York. The opinions expressed are solely those of the writer.
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By Nina Pajak
The other day, while I was watching yet another "Real Housewives" rerun uuuh, C-Span congressional hearing, a commercial came on. Yes. I watch commercials. And it's not just because I still channel surf and don't possess a cable box armed with the vast powers of DVR—I actually enjoy watching commercials. I've always had a casual interest in advertising, and I think people underestimate the inherent entertainment value in a truly inane TV spot. Try it sometime! You're sure to feel superior about your own intellect.
Anyway, this commercial opened on a woman in her 30s, gently waxing poetic about her favorite coffee shop and all its cozy charms. She's wandering through a bright, sunny room with a delectable, steaming mug of joe cradled between her graceful hands. She can always get a spot by the window, she says. It's always quiet and warm. We pan out to see the predictable left turn: she's actually in her own home! It's a commercial for some Starbucks in-home product which magically transforms your living room into the world's most comfortable cafe. The woman sinks into her pristine couch in her pristine house and gazes lovingly into the next room, where her two young children are playing happily together. It always has the best views, she concludes in a heartily satisfied tone. Aaaah.
Well. La di da. La di da for her. I suppose Starbucks wouldn't sell very many k-cups if they'd showed a woman frantically pumping out a cup of coffee for herself and immediately sloshing it all over her sweater when her kid comes screaming into the room and tackles her leg. It wouldn't be particularly enticing if she started talking about how her "favorite coffee shop" is actually sort of dirty, and the floor is littered with shockingly sharp children's toys. "I always get a good seat," she'd say, cramming her body into a tiny, toddler-sized chair and attempting to take a sip before she's forced to put it down for the twelfth time to mediate an argument between her daughters over a scarf. Her scarf. PUT THAT DOWN, WHERE DID EVEN YOU GET THAT? She returns to her mug, desperate for a sip. It's cold. She chokes it down, purely for the medicinal value of the caffeine, while simultaneously throwing toast at her kids and stuffing them into their sneakers and jackets. It's coffee, alright, she concludes. Aaah.
One is aspirational and laughably unrealistic. Arguably insulting to our intelligence, insofar as it seems to assume that female consumers will believe a coffee brand can transform the very fiber of their beings. The other is relatable and probably completely depressing. The next advertiser that can find a middle ground between the two gets all of my money. Go forth, and don't come back until you've got something that doesn't either make me want to cry, scream, or reexamine all the choices I've made in my life up to this point.
Nina Pajak is a writer living with her husband, daughter and dog in Queens. Connect with Nina on Twitter!
