TALE OF THE TAPE

Was The Trent Richardson Trade Less Painful Than LeBron James’ “The Decision”?

Trent Richardson Trade
LeBron James Decision
Cleveland Browns v Denver Broncos
LeBron James Pre Decision Meet and Greet
Metaphorical Pain Scale Equivalent?
Winner Someone clubbing you in the head with a brick when you aren’t looking.
A month-long torture where you’re awake and in full control of your faculties for every second of it.
Cinematic Equivalent?
Winner When Michael Corleone iced the police chief in The Godfather. Sudden. Emotional. Quick.
When Mufasa died. Or, the first 15 minutes of "Up", whichever hurts your soul more.
Relationship Equivalent?
Winner When the person you’ve been dating for a year, and thinking of moving in with, suddenly has a new, more attractive beau (who’s also in better shape, you slob you).
When the person you've been married to for 7 years suddenly leaves you to become a biker gang's town bicycle.
Best Case Scenario?
Winner The Colts are mediocre at best, and the Browns turn in a 5-11 season, which they were going to anyway.
There’s no joy here. There is no best case scenario.
Worst Case Scenario?
Winner The Colts, with a talented young QB and RB, become a powerhouse for at least 10 years.
The Heat win a championship. What? They already- ok, so they win two ch- wait, what? Come on!
Humiliating Aftermath?
Winner Jim Irsay drunkenly tweeting about a “big trade” (but then, he’s always drunkenly tweeting about a big win).
Dan Gilbert’s magenta-tinted comic sans letter about how Cleveland will win a championship before LeBron James. That didn’t work out. Twice.
Most Pompous Moment in Sports History?
Winner No, it’s just business. Plus, many speculate that this will give the Browns the draft firepower to acquire a Teddy Bridgewater, and actually start a true rebuilding process.
Oh yes.

The Winner Is

Cleveland Browns v Denver Broncos
Winner Trent Richardson Trade
7 out of 7

Oh my, sports fans. We’ve never seen a victory quite this lopsided in Tale of the Tape history. The Richardson trade sweeps The Decision, 7-0. In a manner of speaking, Cleveland finally won! That said, losing your best offensive player, and STILL having it be 100% less painful than the LeBron fiasco just goes to show you what a dog and pony show the whole thing was. Just disgraceful.
-Brian Cullen, CBS Local Sports contributor

MORE TALES OF THE TAPE

  1. BALTIMORE, MD - DECEMBER 4: Tight end Dennis Pitta #88 of the Baltimore Ravens celebrates with teammate quarterback Joe Flacco #5 after scoring a second quarter touchdown against the Miami Dolphins at M&T Bank Stadium on December 4, 2016 in Baltimore, Maryland. (Photo by Rob Carr/Getty Images) FOXBORO, MA - DECEMBER 04:  Tom Brady #12 of the New England Patriots looks to throw a pass during the second half against the Los Angeles Rams at Gillette Stadium on December 4, 2016 in Foxboro, Massachusetts.  (Photo by Maddie Meyer/Getty Images)
    Week 14 Tale Of The Tape: Baltimore Ravens at New England Patriots

    The Ravens and Patriots meet again in Gillette in what should be another great game.

  2. MINNEAPOLIS, MN - DECEMBER 1:  Dak Prescott #4 of the Dallas Cowboys hands the ball off to Ezekiel Elliott #21in the first half of the game agains the Minnesota Vikings on December 1, 2016 at US Bank Stadium in Minneapolis, Minnesota.  (Photo by Hannah Foslien/Getty Images) PITTSBURGH, PA - DECEMBER 04:  Eli Manning #10 of the New York Giants drops back to pass in the first quarter during the game against the Pittsburgh Steelers at Heinz Field on December 4, 2016 in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. (Photo by Justin K. Aller/Getty Images)
    Week 14 Tale Of The Tape: Dallas Cowboys at New York Giants

    The NFC East rivals meet again in the Meadowlands as the Cowboys look to avenge their only loss of the year.

  3. SEATTLE, WA - DECEMBER 04: Quarterback Russell Wilson #3 of the Seattle Seahawks passes during warmups before a game against the Carolina Panthers at CenturyLink Field on December 4, 2016 in Seattle, Washington. (Photo by Jonathan Ferrey/Getty Images) GREEN BAY, WI - DECEMBER 04:  Aaron Rodgers #12 of the Green Bay Packers is pressured by Christian Covington #95 of the Houston Texans during the first half of a game at Lambeau Field on December 4, 2016 in Green Bay, Wisconsin.  (Photo by Stacy Revere/Getty Images)
    Week 14 Tale Of The Tape: Seattle Seahawks at Green Bay Packers

    The Seahawks travel to Lambeau for a match-up with the resurgent Pack.

See All Tales of the Tape

More From CBS New York

BUY TICKETS NOW
Get Our Morning Briefs
Bloomberg WCBS Tri-State Business Index

Listen Live