Nina In New York: Man Keeps Pot In Underwear, My Faith In The World Restored
A young professional's take on the trials and tribulations of everyday life in New York City.
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Here is my favorite headline from last week. No, it's not about the girl who sued her university because her roommate kept having sex while she slept in the next bed. Though I do really enjoy that developing story. It's called college, my friend, and many people have both endured and perpetrated far worse. But I like your gumption!
Anyway, here it is: Man With Pot in His Underwear Caught by Village Cops.
Isn't that good? Turns out they found 23 bags of marijuana in this guy's underwear after arresting him for possession of cocaine. Jackpot! Also, I hope everyone had plenty of sanitizing lotion on hand.
This story brings several questions and comments to mind. First, how big are this man's drawers, and what type of underwear could he possible have been wearing to effectively contain such a large amount of extraneous accessories? A woman could never pull off a stunt like that. It truly is a man's world, isn't it?
Second, and here I leap to the assumption that he had intent to sell given the quantity, how exactly did he deliver the goods to his customers? Would he meet them and then reach down his pants and fish out the merchandise? I hope he at least wiped the bags with a tissue or something, or gave them a once-over with some Febreeze before handing it over. Or would he arrive at the site of the drop-off, excuse himself to go to the bathroom and then return with a magically-produced baggie? Either way, buyer beware. Though I suppose it does show some innovation. I mean, anyone can keep stuff in a pocket. How depressingly obvious.
If he did not have intent to sell, and all the pot was for his own personal use, this gets even worse. Would you stuff your underwear with something you later planned to ingest? Can you wash a bag of marijuana? I'll admit to being ignorant on this subject, but I'm going to guess there are issues of plastic baggie porosity that make both the storage method and subsequent need for cleaning somewhat problematic. Just another reason to stay off drugs.
It's stories like this that keep me going in those dark moments when I'm scouring the local news and wind up reading a dozen pieces in a row about women getting raped and men falling onto subway tracks and teachers abusing students. Really, it's stories like this that make me feel like there is still some sort of cosmic sense of humor upon which we can rely, in spite of all the truly terrible things that happen.
So thanks, underwear guy. You're important. We need you.
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Dear Readers: While I am rarely at a loss for words, I'm always grateful for column ideas. Please feel free to e-mail me your suggestions and follow me on Twitter.
Nina Pajak is a writer and publishing professional living with her husband on the Upper West Side.
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