Nina In New York: Ms. Snooki Inadvertently Goes To Washington. Maybe.
A young professional’s take on the trials and tribulations of everyday life in New York City.
It looks like everyone was right about MTV glorifying irresponsible pregnancy with their “16 and Pregnant” and “Teen Mom” series.
I mean, not for me. For me, somehow watching teenagers struggle with caring for newborns while battling with immature fathers, unsympathetic family members and paper-thin budgets mainly just makes me go, “aaaaaw, babies! Lookatababies! I could do that.” Sick? Perhaps.
But now MTV has gotten themselves into a pickle in more ways than one. Because it appears as though they have a new “Jersey Shore” spinoff on their hands.
“Snooki and Pregnant.” It does have a ring to it.
If the insistent rumors are indeed true, the sorority of boozehounds and walking, burbling venereal disease PSAs is having themselves a baby in the family!
According to the New York Post’s Page Six, “MTV went into crisis mode after they found out,” said a source. “They’re trying to hide it because it would greatly affect the creative direction of the show. ”
You know. The creative direction that the show is about one girl with huge boobs and another girl with a devastating yet entertaining alcohol addiction. Now the two are going to have to swap characters completely!
In other news, I wonder if the birth of Snooki’s mini-meatball will affect certain Republican candidates’ opinions on the societal dangers of birth control. Perhaps we’ve all underestimated the Snookster, and this is really an elaborate and deeply committed performance piece in reaction to the much talked about GOP’s “War on Women.” This jester of a girl, this stumblebum sexpot tanning queen who says things like, “I think my crotch is sticking out,” perhaps she had a moment of clarity. Suddenly, through the haze of tequila shots and pickle juice, she saw it all so clearly. She had a platform. Yes, in abundance. She had a persona which could fit the ruse quite nicely. She would use her hard-won position to . . .
drink sommore and make money for expelling gas on television! No! Prove a point! Yeah, that’s it.
Of course, she did famously lambaste President Obama for his tanning tax, coming out in strong favor for his 2008 opponent, Senator John McCain of Arizona. “I don’t go tanning anymore because Obama put a 10 percent tax on tanning,” she said. “[Sen. John] McCain would never put a 10 percent tax on tanning. Because he’s pale and would probably want to be tan.”
But, rightfully so, she realized that this isn’t about politics. This is about women, regardless of which side of the aisle you fall down and pass out in. Because when the world stops to think about a population boom of Schnapps-swigging, monosyllabic, tanorexic Snookibabies, suddenly the arguments in favor of adequate sex education and easily-accessible contraception crystalize and come into focus.
Snooki, you magnificent bastard.
Nina Pajak is a writer and publishing professional living with her husband on the Upper West Side.
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