Nina In New York: Virtual Airport Assistant Proves Human Interaction Is Overrated
A lighthearted look at news, events, culture and everyday life in New York.
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By Nina Pajak
When I saw the video of hologram Tupac back from the dead at this year's Coachella, my first thought was: who else can we do this to? Elvis? Biggie? Frank Sinatra? John Lennon? Kurt Cobain? A Golden Girls reunion tour? Whitney? (Too soon?)
I know! How about a fictional airport terminal employee? YES. Of course! Why didn't I see it?
Say hello to Ava! (Get it? 'Cause she's an avatar?) Actually it stands for either Advanced Virtual Avatar or Airport Virtual Assistant. Anyway, she's a hologram customer service representative who will be installed on a test basis in JFK, LaGuardia and Newark airports this July. Her role will be to answer questions of all sorts, including the frequent, "Where are the restrooms," "Where is my gate," "Can you say 'help me Obi Wan Kenobi, you're my only hope,'" "Why not," "Come on, just say it," and "What the hell's your problem, lady?"
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It's the perfect continuation of all of those automated robotic phone operators with whom people so enjoy interacting. I can see it now:
"Hey Ava, where's the connecting flight to Cincinnati?"
"I'm sorry, I didn't quite hear you. Can you say that again?"
"C-O-N-N-E-C-T-I-N-G—"
"Did you say you're traveling to Hartford, Connecticut? Please wait while I check for you! BEEP BEEP BOOP BEEP BOOPEDY BOOP"
"No, oh, for f—operator? Operator!"
"Calling supervisor. A supervisor will be with you in <12 MINUTES>."
I have great luck with those self-checkout registers at the supermarket, too.
I sort of love the idea of a virtual airport employee, though by all appearances and early reports it seems she is going to be far too polite and speak far too slowly to simulate a real one. I think they should tweak Ava for each city that adopts her, not just to match regional accents but attitudes, too. For instance, while her toothpaste-commercial smile may play well in, say, Dallas, New York/New Jersey travelers may find it off-putting and slightly deranged. Maybe that's just me.
More: LaGuardia Named Worst Airport In Nation By Travel & Leisure
This is clearly the wave of the future, and I look forward to a day when not only our airports but our taxis (self-driving cars, anyone?), subway stations, supermarkets, movie theaters, and office buildings are staffed entirely by virtual hologram avatars. You know, because I've always really loved Blade Runner and The Fifth Element and that thing with the robots and Will Smith, and other movies where humans are eventually infiltrated and completely discombobulated by their own creations. Soon we will all be outmoded, and we'll be able to say we were there when it all began. From our pods in the matrix.
These are exciting times, people.
What do you think about a virtual airport assistant?
Dear Readers: While I am rarely at a loss for words, I'm always grateful for column ideas. Please feel free to e-mail me your suggestions.
Nina Pajak is a writer and publishing professional living with her husband on the Upper West Side.
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