Jared Max: Sorry, But The NBA Is Just ... Just ... Boring!
By Jared Max
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Watching Game 7 of the World Series last night, I might have solved a personal mystery that has baffled me for years. I think I know now why most NBA games seem uninteresting. It's like watching bad, um, adult entertainment.
Based solely on information provided by acquaintances who are versed in the subject of that particular kind of cinema, I have extrapolated that interest is greatest when these films contain storylines -- some type of dramatic buildup that leads to fireworks. I have been told that in absence of context, even the most seemingly salacious visuals can appear mundane.
Watching spurts of Knicks-Bulls and Nets-Celtics in between innings of the Giants-Royals 2014 MLB finale, I wondered which event was drawing most interest from our Tri-State area sports fans -- and why.
While it was the last game of the baseball season -- the rubber match of a seven-game duel -- it was opening night for most NBA teams. In one light, it was a momentous basketball occasion. In negative exposure, it was merely one of 82. One minute of an 82-minute shoot-em-up, blow-it-up action movie that looks the same from its opening credits through the final explosions. I have never been attracted to these films.
I need drama.
Question: What is the most exciting element of any sporting match? The scoring, right?
While some argue that soccer is a bore to watch because of its lack of goals, many others contend that it is the game's negative space -- the time in between scores -- that creates the greatest drama. Anticipation and anxiety keep fans attached. The same goes for baseball, hockey and football, even.
Unlike pro basketball, the common themes in other team sports like football, hockey, soccer and baseball are: Who will score? When will they score?
Unlike soccer, baseball, football and hockey, the element of surprise about when scoring will occur in pro basketball games is miniscule. A layup at one end of the court, an 18-foot jumper at the other. Loose-ball fouls here, free throws there. Back and forth for two-plus hours, interrupted by countless intermissions. Then, when the drama should reach its peak in the final minutes, the NBA shoots itself in the feet by allowing too many timeouts and fouls. Imagine watching the climax of a film while your friend fiddles with the remote control, hitting the pause button every 25 seconds.
Microcosms for its long season, NBA games rarely sustain drama. They remind me of vast, undefined cities that lack landmarks or central points.
In great part, the last game of the World Series was so exciting last night because the only scoring took place during the second and fourth innings. There were seven other innings that didn't produce any runs. Anticipation created excitement.
When the Royals hit a two-out triple in the bottom of the ninth inning, leaving the tying run 90 feet from home plate (and the potential winning run one powerful swing away), the game reached its peak. Of course, the night was filled a healthy dose of landmarks, too -- from Joe Panik's third inning dive-and-flip play to Madison Bumgarner's Federer-like perseverance through a stumbling entrance to five innings of near-unhittable MVP greatness.
Three nights ago, the New York Rangers entered a third period losing 3-0. There were six goals scored in the final 20 minutes, leaving the Rangers with a 5-4 victory. While such turnarounds are an exception more than the norm, it seems there is a far greater chance in the NHL than in the power-imbalanced NBA for any team to turn the tables on another, any given night.
Again, drama. Suspense. Wonder. Doubt.
While high-scoring football games are exciting, too much of a good thing can be anticlimactic. Think about dessert at Thanksgiving or Christmas. By the time we've ingested such copious amounts of food, a table filled with cakes, chocolates, cookies and pies doesn't look as enticing as if it were the first course encountered. Still, just as it is dessert, it is football. I don't care how many points are scored; I will consume the product. It is important to take note for this argument, though, that NFL games void of defense are less dramatic than those with a true fight on both sides of the ball.
Watching the NBA is like watching somebody else playing video games. I would rather listen to others tell me about their fantasy-football war stories. I used to have a good friend who loved to play video games. I stopped hanging out with him because whenever I visited him, I had to watch him play. No drama. No context. No spectatorial interest.
Piggybacking on a subject I explored last week, I think the NBA needs to make seismic changes in order to make the game more interesting to those who are not playing.
Unlike every other major team sport, the disparity in basketball is bare between the size of the dimensions of the court played by children and that used by the pros. Sure, kids use a smaller ball and may shoot at a basket lowered to seven, eight or nine feet. They may play sideline to sideline, opposed to full-court. But the great allure in watching little ones play basketball remains their scoring challenge. For the same reason we marvel at Nate Robinson and Spud Webb winning slam dunk contests, it is more entertaining when somebody half the height of the hoop tries to score. Seven-footers shooting at a basket 10 feet tall? That's like watching my little cousins run around the basement trying to put a rubber ball through a basket hanging over the bathroom door.
While your first instinct is likely to call me cuckoo for suggesting this, I have to say it. The NBA needs to experiment with raising its basket. Scoring is too easy, rendering a short attention span for many spectators. NBA players shooting at 10-foot baskets is like PGA golfers hitting from the childrens' tees.
For the NBA to separate itself from video games, the dimensions of the court need to be adjusted. The baskets should be taller. The court should be larger.
Where else but in baseball do we get to see something like a starting pitcher come out of the bullpen -- a potential secret weapon in a do-or-die game seven? In hockey, teams have an option to pull their goalie to create a better chance to score by adding an extra skater. In moments of desperation, football teams can attempt an onside kick. What can basketball teams do?
Foul their opponent.
I apologize for my foul take on the NBA. Maybe I'm just feeling foul because baseball season went into hibernation last night.
No, that's not it. I think the NBA needs to raise the baskets. Otherwise, it's just like smut, sans a storyline.
So I'm told.
Jared Max is a multi-award winning sportscaster. He hosted a No. 1 rated New York City sports talk show, "Maxed Out" — in addition to previously serving as longtime Sports Director at WCBS 880, where he currently anchors weekend sports. Follow and communicate with Jared on Twitter @jared_max.
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