NEW YORK (CBSNewYork) — Former NFL offensive lineman Jonathan Martin says he attempted suicide “on multiple occasions.”
“Your job leads you to attempt to kill yourself on multiple occasions,” Martin wrote in the second-person. “Your self-perceived social inadequacy dominates your every waking moment & thought. You’re petrified of going to work. You sleep 12, 14, 16, hours a day when you can, or not at all. You drink too much, smoke weed constantly, have trouble focusing on doing your job, playing the sport that you grew up obsessed with.
“But one day, you realize how absurd your current mindset is, that this s— doesn’t matter. People don’t matter. Money doesn’t matter. Fame and notoriety sure as hell don’t matter. Nothing matters besides your family, a few close friends, and your own personal happiness.”
Instead of undergoing back surgery, the 26-year-old Martin retired this summer as a member of the Carolina Panthers.
“You realize that your experiences have taught you that you need to leave the baggage behind,” he wrote. “‘Friends’ who you played high school football with saying whatever to get their name in an article. Former coaches blowing up your phone trying to be your financial advisor. Your god father suddenly appearing your senior year of college out of thin air bearing gifts, trying to get tickets to your games & slyly asking your parents to manage your money.
“You realize who truly has had your back. Who the people are who you need to embrace. And cherish every moment you have had with them. You let your demons go, knowing that, perhaps, sharing your story can help some other chubby, goofy, socially-isolated, sensitive kid getting bullied in America who feels like no one in the world cares about them.
“And let them know that they aren’t alone.”
Martin also posted his story on Twitter, writing, “If you don’t know… Now you know.”