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Nina In New York: So Many Protests, So Little Time

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"Occupy Wall Street" demonstrator David Suker (R) argues with counter demonstrator Derrick Tabacco (L), a small business owner, near the New York Stock Exchange as they mark the two month anniversary of the protest November 17, 2011 in New York. (Photo credit: STAN HONDA/AFP/Getty Images)

“Occupy Wall Street” demonstrator David Suker (R) argues with counter demonstrator Derrick Tabacco (L), a small business owner, near the New York Stock Exchange as they mark the two month anniversary of the protest November 17, 2011 in New York. (Photo credit: STAN HONDA/AFP/Getty Images)

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A young professional’s take on the trials and tribulations of everyday life in New York City.
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By Nina Pajak

I think perhaps we’ve all gone a little protest-happy.

When 3,000 people sign a petition and “occupy” People Magazine offices to dispute their suddenly controversial “Sexiest Man Alive” selection, I think it’s time for everyone to take a step back and breathe deeply. Just breathe. In, out. In and out. There you go. Feel better? Good, I’m glad.

Listen, everything is going to be okay. I know our world is a roiling stew of animosity, civil unrest, dissatisfaction and mounting frustration. Things are hard. The economy is bad, the government is stymied, unemployment is high, and Ashton and Demi really are getting a divorce.

And now, this! The humanity, the injustice! The upset!

Bradley Cooper, sexier than Ryan Gosling? Why, that’s like saying hot dogs are better than hamburgers, or dogs are better than cats, or something is better than something else that is mostly the same but marginally different depending on personal perception. Grab your pitchforks and torches, folks!

Because I no longer see movies due to my conviction that theaters across the country are crawling with bedbugs, I feel I am in the unique position to judge based on looks and paparazzi photos alone. This is probably a vantage point which is not shared with any other American of sentient age. I mean, basically everyone’s got a dog in this fight, as I understand it. I’ve just been living under a rock. A bedbug-free rock. And here is my ruling, which must be taken as gospel for its pureness of spirit and uncorrupted objectivity.

They are both super cute.

There! There you have it. My word is law. By the way, you Gosling lovers may be relieved to know that the “Sexiest Man Alive” title is not some sort of cosmic, binding coronation, and Bradley Cooper was not, in fact, anointed by God. Furthermore, his win does not in any way detract from how sexy and amazing and perfect and heavenly you may feel Ryan Gosling to be.

To that point, I think perhaps it’s time for everyone to take a pill and just relax. Frankly, I feel sorry for Bradley Cooper in all this! Imagine you are bestowed with this flattering honor, only to have your honor refuted with unrestrained fury by a foaming, angry mob. Does that feel good? Be honest with yourself. No, no that feels bad. Would Ryan Gosling treat a fellow human like that? I think you all know the answer without my having to tell you.

Anyway, the good news is that in all likelihood, none of you will ever sleep with either man. So the stakes are pretty low here after all.

Onto the next outrage! What will it be? I can’t wait.

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Dear Readers: While I am rarely at a loss for words, I’m always grateful for column ideas. Please feel free to e-mail me your suggestions.

Nina Pajak is a writer and publishing professional living with her husband on the Upper West Side.

The Nina Archives:

Occupy Super Mario Land?

You’re Only As Old As You Look To Other People

Me Versus The Tree. Yes, That One.

Who Won The Connecticut Powerball? Everyone!

Hoards Of Killer Mosquitoes Could Eat Your Family…But It Could Be Worse!

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