Nina In New York: Deep Fried Cereal, Plus 4 More Of The Week’s Funniest News Stories
A lighthearted look at news, events, culture and everyday life in New York.
By Nina Pajak
In honor of today being Friday and of me being tired of reading about the Wisconsin recall and zombie cannibals and sodapop, I’d like to revisit some of this week’s stories which managed to make me laugh.
In case you missed them because you were too focused on news or some junk, here are my favorites:
5. A man named Chicken Charlie at the San Diego county fair tells CNN that he can “fry anything.” Including cereal and, somewhat more mystifying, Kool-Aid. That is a bold claim indeed, Chicken Charlie. Last week I ate at a fish and chips shop in Park Slope and sampled fried pizzafor the first (but not the last) time in my life.
I’ve eaten cheesecake on a stick, and heard tell of fried sticks of butter, Coca-Cola (wha?), entire cheeseburgers and hoagies, olives and even hard-boiled eggs.
Perhaps this is the beginning of a new “anti-anti-obesity” counter trend!
4. Amanda Bynes, former child star and current hasbeen, tweeted @BarackObama to fire the cop who arrested her for DUI. Isn’t he, like, the King of America or whatever? Off with their heads and all that jazz, right? Ah. Hm. It sounds like someone missed out on a few key episodes of “Schoolhouse Rock” during her on-set tutoring. Here you go, baby. Classic! You’re in for a treat. This reminds me. I’ve been meaning to ask Sumner Redstone if he’d have a conversation with the guy who was supposed to come fix our cable the other day. He was two hours late!
3. Independent airlines and possibly some commercial ones too are considering charging for oversize carry-on luggage in an effort to discourage overhead compartment hogs. Discount carrier Spirit Air has announced it will soon raise its fee to $100, which sounds completely reasonable. Next up: higher prices for window seats! Next up after that, coin-operated lavatories and cabins without seats entirely. Just to clarify: this story made me laugh in the terrible way.
2. Taco Bell is going gourmet. They’re getting all fancy and stuff, with a new name (Cantina Bell), and foods that have adjectives like “fire-roasted” and “herb-marinated.” They’re using ingredients like cilantro and pico de gallo, and it’s altogether possible none of it has been expeller-pressed or reconstituted or Frankensteined in any way. I can’t wait to try their artisanal Dorito-flavored heirloom tomato free-range mostly-meat-product chopped salad. Mmmm, healthy.
1. Lonely housewives all over are apparently flocking to hardware stores and sex shops in search of some of the S&M supplies favored by the main character in raunchy mainstream pornographic novel, 50 Shades of Grey. Rope, handcuffs, and riding crops are all making appearances under the beds in what were once nice, respectable, sexually repressed American homes. I’m just glad people are still reading books.
Dear Readers: While I am rarely at a loss for words, I’m always grateful for column ideas. Please feel free to e-mail me your suggestions.
The Nina In New York Archives: